Judy Garland and Fred Astaire star in another Irving Berlin holiday vehicle, Easter Parade. Or as I like to think of it, the predecessor of She’s All That.
We’re introduced to Don, who is super focused on buying flowers, hats, and useless trinkets for his dancing partner, Nadine, because Easter is notorious for capitalist overconsumption. In fact, he immediately cons a child out of buying a stuffed rabbit by playing drums with his feet. Fred Astaire is like the uncle every parent hates because they buy shit for their kids that make a ton of noise.
Wow, a song about drums that features someone playing the drums. Take note, Carmen Jones.
Returning to the hotel with his large bounty of gifts, Nadine (Ann Miller) confesses to Don she no longer wants to date or work with him, and instead has an offer to headline her own show. Don tries to convince her to stay in his overbearing grasp by romantically singing in her ear, which only serves to skeeze me out since he’s 50 and she’s half his age.
Like, sure it’s Fred Astaire, and he’s ridiculously charming and a great dancer, but like… he could be her dad. I will never understand why Hollywood cast and continues to cast movies like this; it’s uncomfortable.
Anyway, Don takes it like a champ and drowns his sorrows with a good ‘ol misogynistic bartender. Riding high on the false assumption he taught Nadine all she knows, he vows to find another ingénue to imbue all his dancing knowledge, and if it makes Nadine jealous, so be it.
Enter Hannah Brown (Judy Garland), a painfully twee bar chorus dancer who sings about Michigan in a way nobody from Michigan would ever sing about Michigan.
He convinces her, because he’s famous, to quit her job and dance with him. She, unfortunately, turns out to be a terrible dancer, which he wouldn’t expect from someone who is paid to dance nightly. When she reveals she literally cannot differentiate her left and her right leg, he almost gives up, but like me, his heart melted from the moment she said “Good Morning” to him and he labors on.
On their lunch break, they run smack-dab into the Easter Parade, which is apparently a thing where people get all gussied up and walk down the street. Nadine struts by them, living her best and most fabulous life. Hannah is in awe of her, but Don, still salty from their breakup, reiterates that Hannah is going to destroy Nadine, whether she likes it or not.
Don then commences with plan “Make My Replacement Girlfriend Look as Much Like My Ex as Possible” by buying Hannah a bunch of clothes that don’t suit her and changing her name to Juanita because it is more “exotic”, which is some racist bullshit. Hannah is also forced to prove her worth to Don by turning heads on the street. She handles this in a creative and unique way.
Judy Garland is hilarious in this movie; I could not stop giggling at her.
Juanita and Hewes enter the vaudeville circuit with their new act, which goes dubiously at best.
Nadine and Don attempt to have lunch afterward, but it goes about as well as his performance with Hannah. He tries to convince Nadine she’d be nothing without him, and she chides him for trying to clone her. Don then decides on his own volition (and definitely not because Nadine said her friends were mocking him) that maybe Hannah would be more comfortable if she wasn’t imitating someone else. Hannah is thrilled with their change of direction and knocks every performance out of the park, gaining them notoriety and landing them an audition with Mr. Ziegfeld himself.
It is quickly revealed that Nadine is the headliner of the show Hannah and Don were auditioning for, and when Hannah finds out that Don and Nadine used to date, she is understandably upset. He reassures her there’s no hard feelings there, and turns down the Ziegfeld show because, as he tells Hannah, her and Nadine don’t belong on the same stage.
Except Hannah is right and Don’s not totally over Nadine. He attends her new show to see how good it is, and hoooooly shit, Ann Miller, you are a legend.
I think there’s only one other Ann Miller movie on this list and that is not enough. I just want to relive these numbers over and over again. I came to find out later that she filmed this with a BROKEN FUCKING BACK after her drunk husband pushed her down a flight of stairs causing the miscarriage of their child and I just… dude. I have no words to describe how goddamn strong this woman was. She also, according to biographer Walter Isaacson, gave war criminal Kissinger lip when she saw him on a date with Bond girl Jill St. John, questioning why he was having fun in public while “our boys in Vietnam are getting their heads shot off.” Queen. Shit.
Don uses this as motivation to snag Hannah and him their own headlining show, and then celebrates their achievement by making out with her. He realized they were in love this whole time, and that making Nadine jealous wasn’t as important as their new endeavor… Sure. Hannah sings Don and Nadine’s famous song in response and yeah, this whole thing is creepy, I don’t like it.
Opening night for Hannah and Hewes’ new show arrives, and it is spectacularly received. Fred Astaire is exuberant, and you cannot ask for a better performer than him. He exudes an effortless joy that is insanely infectious.
The number he and Judy share after this one is… a choice. Even though Judy is ridiculously funny, I’m not going to attempt to defend this.
Afterward, they celebrate the opening of their own show by crashing Nadine’s show directly afterward, because Jesus, who wouldn’t want to watch Ann Miller?
This poor woman, who broke it off with Don because she wanted to strike it out on her own (and by the way, wasn’t in love with him…), gets a gig headlining a show that she CLEARLY deserves. Don not only tries to replace her with literally anybody, but he dresses his new pet up and teaches her how to dance like Nadine. Nadine’s friends have to tell her this information, which obviously embarrasses her to the point where she has to confront Don about it. He then shows up with with his new girlfriend to audition their act at Nadine’s new place of business. He’s so butthurt by Nadine standing up for herself he decides to headline his own show, only to then steal the glory from Nadine’s show by showing up as an audience member immediately afterward, pulling all the focus to him and his new girlfriend. Nadine doesn’t crack under pressure, and graciously asks him to dance with her, presumably to prove to Hannah that this man is still hung up on his ex, and Nadine’s painted as the villain for it.
Also, it’s pretty clear Don was pigeon-holing her into this ballroom dancing role, since Nadine clearly can tap dance and sing just as good as Hannah. No wonder she wanted to break free of their partnership, cheese and crackers. #JusticeforNadine
Anyway, Hannah is broken hearted by Don and Nadine’s dance and runs off to get drunk at the bar where they met. When Don runs into her later, he convinces Hannah him and Nadine’s dance was their version of breakup sex, and that he wants to move forward with his partnership with Hannah. She believes this for whatever reason, and struts down the lane during the Easter Parade with Don on her arm and a shiny new engagement ring on her finger. The End.
This movie, by all accounts, was fun for everyone to film, and it shows. This was supposed to be a darker movie with Vincente Minnelli directing, but I’m glad with the director change came a light, fluffy story about dancing and hats. While the plot did elicit a lot of eye rolls from me, the songs and dance numbers are great, and there isn’t a weak link in the cast list.
Happy Zombie Jesus Day, everyone!