When life unfortunately imitates art.

A Star is Born is a tale of addiction and fame that has four film adaptations that have nothing to do with the fact it’s clear Oscar bait (although Judy did famously lose this one to Grace Kelly).  Did you guys know the entertainment industry changes and exploits people?  I surely didn’t realize this until now, and that’s why the academy has consistently rewarded movies that talk about how weird Hollywood is.  Y’know.  Cause there’s so few of them.

I’m being glib, as this movie is probably one of the more sympathetic views of the big studio system, for all its flaws.  It focuses on Esther Blodgett, a singer in a touring band, and how her encounter and subsequent relationship with big-star actor Norman Maine changed her career, and thus her life.  This film is 3 hours long (it used to be both shorter and longer, for reasons explained later), and it *feels* that long.  For every moment of levity there are 30 minutes of pain, and while this feels tedious sometimes, it does a great job of illustrating the highs and lows of caring for someone struggling with addiction.  They burn so brightly in those small moments when everything is spectacular that it’s almost worth slogging through the periods of grim instability that does nothing but foreshadow a bleak future.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story I will give a rundown below.  If you’re curious how this 1954 version differs from the other three films, Be Kind Rewind has an excellent video that you should watch after reading this.  Seriously though, check out her channel, it’s incredibly informative.

Esther Blodgett (Judy Garland) and the Glenn Williams Orchestra, lead by her buddy Danny McGuire (the adorable Tommy Noonan, who will forever be Gus in my eyes) have booked a gig during a benefit concert.  Norman Maine, a famous Hollywood actor, is supposed to perform as well, but he shows up drunk as a skunk and is having much more fun harassing the cast and crew than he is preparing to go on stage.  While his PR agent Matt Libby has correctly identified Norman is in no position to be in front of people, he tries to distract him by sending him to the dressing rooms to be interviewed.  This works for about 5 minutes until he hulks out and joins Esther and the gang on stage just for funsies.

In the sprit of ‘fuck it, we’ll do it live’, Esther succeeds in getting Norman involved with the act as comedic relief, he gets the positive attention he craves from the audience, and everyone laughs like this isn’t a big disaster played out in public.

Norman tries to thank Esther for saving him from looking even more like an ass by trying to get her to go to a second location with him.  Even though Esther finds this strangely sweet, Danny wisely helps her escape to their next gig and Libby takes Norman home to sleep it off.  That would be the end of it if Norman didn’t arise from the grave like a vampire at 2:30am to hunt down Esther like she’s his prey.  He finds her at a club on Sunset where her and her friends are rehearsing, and oh my god, it’s so glorious.

I love Judy’s voice; I get goosebumps every time I hear her.  She’s such a powerhouse.

Also, FUN FACT: The composer of this song, Harold Arlen, scored Gay Purr-ee, so if you also think “The Man That Got Away” bares a striking resemblance to “Paris is a Lonely Town”, there’s a legitimate reason for that.

A now-sober Norman bombards Esther with metaphors about her excellence and gradually isolates her from the group by physically dragging her around.  Danny tries to separate them, but Esther leaves with Norman all the same to go back to her place and discuss her career goals.  When she reveals she wants to get a #1 record on Hit Parade, Norman retorts that Esther’s dream is not big enough and she’s wasting her time paling around with undignified gig musicians.  Esther is only slightly insulted by Norman’s blatant disregard of the work she’s already put in to get where she is, but buys into his promise to snag her a screen test.  Esther then breaks Danny’s heart by quitting the band and asking them to move on to San Francisco without her.  Danny tries to change her mind by suggesting she might not want to trust a flake (no matter how charming he is), but Esther believes Norman sees potential in her nobody else has, igniting her desire to aim higher.

Of course Norman gets loaded after leaving Esther’s house and his late night call to the head of the studio, Oliver Niles, is completely blown off as Norman trying to impress some broad he likes.  Instead, the studio ships Norman out to work on his next picture, completely abandoning Esther for 5-6 weeks.  Esther, never hearing back from Norman, moves into a cheaper place and gets a job as a roller skating waitress in an attempt to make ends meet while she attends auditions.  She manages to book a VO gig singing in a shampoo commercial, which helps Norman locate her upon his return because he recognizes her distinct voice on the television.  After tracking Esther down at the boarding house she’s slumming in, Norman finally follows through with his promise and lands her a screen test.

This montage of Esther and Norman separating and reuniting is particularly bizarre as it is presented as pages in Esther’s scrapbook – still sepia-tinted images with the character’s dialogue dubbed over it.  It didn’t feel intentional, as some of the scenes are live action, like a car or a bus pulling away from a building, or a shot of a woman’s hand dipping into shampoo.  I initially assumed this artistic decision was to cut down the film’s length, but the dialogue was still there, so it wasn’t succeeding if that were the goal.  I later discovered the version of the film I was watching was the “restored” director’s version, as the original wide-release had 30 minutes removed by order of the studio in an effort to cut down its considerable runtime.  Unfortunately, when Ron Haver, the film curator at the L.A. County Museum of Art, attempted to find the lost footage for the film’s 1983 re-release, he discovered these scenes were truly lost to time (literally, as they could not find the original film reels).  Their “remedy” included displaying production stills with VO from the audio tapes they were able to locate.  Honestly, I think all of this particular section could have stayed on the cutting room floor, as it’s a 30-minute detour that ends with Norman getting Esther the screen test, anyway.  I’m assuming these scenes were included as a way to show Norman struggling to help Esther despite his alcoholism, and Esther’s new commitment to become famous.  We get those impressions through their initial interactions, so this not-so-little side-quest truly feels redundant. Later lost scenes, however, such as (spoiler alert) Norman’s marriage proposal to Vicki, are pretty baffling omissions. I don’t think the cuts robbed Judy of her Oscar win like Lorna Luft does, but it does fuck up the movie’s continuity.

Upon Esther’s first visit to the studio, the makeup department completely change her look after going into great detail about her flaws.  Norman hates the outcome and redoes her makeup to restore Esther’s natural beauty.  Although Esther is nervous, she nails the audition and starts to book small parts, like those that require putting on a full face of makeup only to wave out the window of a train.  They even yell at her when they see her face, which is as blatant of a metaphor for being a woman in showbusiness if I ever saw one.  After the studio changes Esther’s name to Vicki Lester, Norman convinces Oliver to cast Vicki as the lead in a new picture after their previous one bailed.  Upon release, the film becomes a wild success, and Vicki Lester’s star quickly rises

Y’know, I really want to take a tally of the percentage of the musicals on this list that feature their white stars in blackface or parody other racial stereotypes, cause it’s more than I thought it would be.  Judy’s daughter Lorna has mentioned Judy’s foray into impersonating other races was “of its time”, but I’m finding it incredibly exhausting and lazy that blackface is consistently used as shorthand for being poor or othered.

While the first half of this movie isn’t necessarily incredibly upbeat, the rest of it goes downhill from here.  While Norman’s newly released movie is getting terrible reviews, everyone is now obsessed with Vicki.  Feeling as though he’s done what he could to introduce Esther to the world, Norman tries to leave her, citing he’s an too-old disaster that will only drag her down.  Esther responds to this by confessing her love to him, and instead of Norman bailing, they quickly get engaged in the creepiest eavesdropping-est way on the back of the promise that Norman will quit drinking.

The pair first run to the head of the studio because apparently they need his permission to move forward with this doomed marriage.  Oliver gives his approval hoping that Vicki will be the positive influence that helps Norman stay on the straight and narrow. While Libby feels as if they’re setting a trap for Vicki, he agrees to spin the story for the positive in order to give Norman some much needed good press.  Of course they exhaust any temporary good-will Libby was extending to them when the embarrassingly-named Mr. Earnest Sydney Gubbins and Esther Blodgett elope to a tiny courthouse to get married in secret.  When they reach their roadside motel honeymoon destination, Vicki hears her new song “It’s a New World” on the radio as it reaches #1 on Hit Parade, implying that all of Esther’s dreams have now come true.

They start their new life by purchasing an expensive house on a ocean-side cliff, only for Oliver to break the news to Norman that the studio has decided to let him go because of his inconsistent behavior.  Libby publicly plays it off like Norman is pursuing other opportunities, while in reality he’s relegated to a house husband, making sandwiches, taking messages, and pensively putting golf balls.  While Norman seems generally supportive of Vicki’s budding career, a delivery man calls him Mr. Lester and the bruise to Norman’s ego sends him into a bender.  This starts to jeopardize Vicki’s career when Norman decides to crash her Oscar acceptance speech by stumbling on stage and publicly declaring he needs a job. 

3 months later, Norman is in rehab and Vicki is on set filming her latest movie.  When Oliver comes to check on her, Vicki breaks down to one of the few people that understand her predicament, as she’s both frustrated and scared by Norman’s behavior.

Judy serves a heartbreaking performance during this monologue, with many speculating that this particular story hit too close to home.  Judy’s life somewhat mimicked Norman’s, as she was fired from MGM because of her inconsistent behavior as a result of her own addictions.  She was forced into the entertainment industry before she turned 3 years old, and even as a child was given amphetamines to keep her working and skinny. As she got older those habits became harder to break, especially when barbiturates were added to the mix to help her sleep. Most of her life had been spent earning money to provide for her parents, and then her own family, without the ability to choose if she could keep her pregnancies, or take time off after she was allowed to have Liza, in order to keep the checks rolling in for the studio. After years of constantly working with the help of prescription drugs, Judy struggled with mental health issues that the studio went through great lengths to hide, and the press was ecstatic to exploit.

Judy’s husband at this time, Sid Luft, produced A Star is Born in order to cast Judy in this role and make the movie a musical.  Filming was difficult, but both Judy and James gave outstanding performances, as you feel the love between them while the heartbreak of addiction takes a toll on their marriage. Judy and Sid’s relationship similarly didn’t work out, as Sid confessed it was too difficult being with her.  Judy hated him toward the end of her life as custody battles kept her from her children. If you’ve listened to any interview with Judy or her kids, she was incredibly loving and supportive of them, valuing her family over everything else. She ended her life completely disillusioned with the same industry that lifted her up, because they were even more gleeful in knocking her down by depriving her of her own voice.

Judy is mostly remembered as a young girl belting out “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, or bounding around with Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire in romantic comedies, but this movie (specifically this scene) shows how underrated as a dramatic actress she was. The end scene of this movie between Esther and Danny legitimately scared the director, as Judy had never screamed on camera before. During Judy’s eulogy, James Mason said “she could wring tears out of hearts of rock,” and he’s not wrong.

Upon Norman’s release, he runs into Libby, who lashes out at him in frustration, leading to a physical altercation that Norman follows up with another bender.  After several days of no-contact, Oscar and Esther find him in jail on a drunk and disorderly charge after he crashes his car, and Esther begs the judge to let him come home with her so she can take care of him.  She puts Norman to bed and confides in Oliver she’s quitting the business to take care of her husband and give his sobriety a fighting chance.  She has forced herself to believe that love will now be enough, and that Norman can be fixed if she can devote her time to him.  When Oliver protests because Norman’s career is through, Esther reiterates she wouldn’t have her career without Norman’s connections and encouragement.  Unfortunately Norman overhears this conversation from the other room, and takes it upon himself to release Esther from the burden of being his wife by wading into the ocean and drowning.

As much as Esther wants to process her grief in her own time, her good friend Danny pushes her to rejoin the land of the living by attending the same benefit concert she performed at a year ago when she met Norman.  Norman was incredibly proud of the fact he discovered Vicki, and Danny posits he would be disappointed if she threw it all away because of him.  Vicki decides to show up at the shrine, and when she takes the stage to introduce herself as Mrs. Norman Maine, the crowd goes wild.  While they were dismissive of Norman and his disease while he was alive, they revere him and support Vicki after his death.

This is not a movie I would revisit often, as it emotionally takes a toll, but this is an absolute must-watch. Judy’s performance proves why she’s considered a legend – she’s funny, flirty, hopeful, frustrated, heartbroken, and devastated, and all-the-while her voice is a goddamn masterpiece. James Mason similarly does a splendid job at portraying a charismatic and caring, but flawed and proud protagonist. I’m fairly uninterested in seeing the other versions, as I could easily be happy with this being the definitive telling of this story. Judy is absolutely everything, I don’t know why anybody else would even try competing with her performance.

Happy Holidays!  I’ve got one of my favorite Christmas movies to share with you!

OK, Meet Me in St. Louis isn’t *technically* a Christmas movie as only part of the story takes place during x-mas, but it’s got strong holiday vibes, so here we are.  I saw this movie for the first time a few years ago. One of the characters in The Family Stone says the Christmas ball scene is one of her favorites, so I figured if the movie was good enough to be associated with not one, but two Sarah Jessica Parker movies, it might be worth checking out.  I immediately fell in love with it – Judy Garland is so flipping charming, I found myself grinning every time she was on screen.  The rest of the cast that plays her loud and interesting family are similarly entertaining and hilarious.  I promise, if you love musicals, or are a fan of Steel Magnolias, this will work its way into your seasonal holiday movie rotation.  Also, if it weren’t for this movie, Liza Minnelli might not exist, so respect should at least be paid for that.

Picture it: St. Louis, 1903.  The city is all abuzz for the World’s Fair that is set to open in the next year.  The Smith family, consisting of Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Son Lon, and 4 daughters (Rose, Ester, Agnes and Tootie respectively) are losing their collective minds because Warren Sheffield is placing a long distance call to Rose from New York City that evening, and that call may or may not contain a marriage proposal.  Or, at least everyone except Dad is excited about this, because the family are desperately trying to hide this event from him.

We’re given a glimpse into the family dynamic based on how each member reacts to this call.  Dad is a much-respected member of the household, but the family tends to exclude him from decisions because of his tendency to want to steer a ship they would prefer to guide themselves.  Rose is casually waiting for the phone to ring, insisting boys are the last thing on her mind, while alternatively Esther (played by Judy Garland) is excitingly talking up the possibility of a marriage.  The younger daughters, Agnes and Tootie, are free spirits that are just so incredibly dramatic that most of the other family members roll their eyes every time they speak.  Also, I’m pretty sure Tootie is a psychopath who is legitimately fascinated with killing off her dolls.  Grandpa is a supportive sweetheart willing to go along with his granddaughter’s schemes, along with their housekeeper Katie, who inherently disagrees with the idea of someone proposing over an invention, but decides to lie to the family anyway about having to visit her sister that evening in an attempt to move dinner forward.   There’s much discussion about eating an hour earlier so the family isn’t at the dinner table eavesdropping on Rose’s conversation, but Dad is a fussy king that insists on taking a bath while the sun sets before he can even think of noshing on corned beef.

Sidenote: My father proposed to my mother over the phone, so maybe I should write a strongly worded letter to Alexander Graham Bell for facilitating my birth?

When Esther isn’t gassing up Rose’s romantic prospects, she spends her time ogling her dishy next door neighbor John. The two girls parade outside in order to see if they can’t attract his attention, but as this endeavor proves to be unsuccessful, Esther retreats to pine from the comfort of her window.

I’m fairly certain I didn’t discuss this in the Easter Parade post, but I adore Judy Garland’s distinctive voice.  The first time I heard it was out of the mouth of a cartoon cat in Gay Purr-ee, so it’s always a bit disarming for me to see it come out of this stunning angel.  Judy Garland’s beautiful face makes me think buying an orange-red lipstick is a good idea even though it’d look like garbage on me.  Also, the number of times I’ve watched Gay Purr-ee immediately after watching Meet Me in St. Louis is about 100%.

Anyway, to the great disappointment of Rose and all 9 family members loitering in the dining room, Warren doesn’t propose during his short call from NYC.  Esther remarks how blessed Rose is to have a man call long distance only to inquire about her well-being, and the family echoes the sentiment which helps to lift Rose’s spirit.

With the call out of the way, Esther decides to pivot her nervous energy from Rose’s potential proposal to luring John into the fold.  Esther invites John to a party at their house celebrating their brother’s graduation in an effort to force an introduction between the two of them.  She tells Rose of her intention to make out with John’s face, and Rose’s protest leads to one of the best lines of the movie.

Once at the party, Esther feigns interest in John in order to not come off too strong.  She also keeps her actions understated and polite by performing a song and dance number with Tootie and hiding John’s hat in the breadbox so he can’t leave without talking to her.

After everyone leaves, Esther guides John around the house while she turns off all the gas lights in order to set the mood.  They shake hands to say goodnight, and John gives Esther a compliment every woman longs to hear, “You’ve got a mighty strong grip for a girl.”  This interaction is enough to fuel Esther’s desires, as she compares the beating of her heart to the clang of the trolley in a song that I can never remember the words to, but hum constantly.

Much like Checkov’s Gun, the trolley is introduced only to become a major character in the subsequent Halloween-based incident.  Agnes and Tootie, dressed up like murderers, go out on the town to burn furniture, throw flour at people, and cause general havoc.  When they return later that night, Tootie is wailing because she has a split lip and a missing tooth.  When the doctor asks her what happened, she tells everyone John tried to kill her.  This sends Esther into a well-justified frenzy, storming over to John’s house and slapping him around on his own front porch.  When she returns to the house reveling in biting Tootie’s attacker, Agnes reveals that John did not in fact attack a child.  See, Tootie and Agnes had the great idea to play a prank by throwing a stuffed dress in front of a moving streetcar, which almost derails it when it tries to brake in order not to run it over.  John witnessed this colossally dangerous incident and dragged Tootie and Agnes into the woodshed in order to hide them from the police.  When Esther wanders back over to John’s house to apologize for lashing out at him, he surprisingly accepts the apology, and is apparently so turned on by the abuse he tries to swallow Esther whole.

Esther only has a moment to appreciate she has finally attracted John’s attention before her entire world comes crashing down.  Dad reveals at the end of the year the entire family will be moving to New York City so he can follow a job opportunity.  This is devastating for everyone, and after some initial snark directed at daddy dearest, mother eventually appeals to the strength of the family unit by singing a duet with her husband that definitely doesn’t make me tear up, how dare you suggest that?

I love the several instances of miming playing musical instruments in this movie – it’s truly remarkable how distracting it is.

Time marches on, which is illustrated in the next scene by the blanket of snow that consumes every square inch of the set.  The family has almost concluded packing up their belongings for an eventual move, with each child finding a different thing to focus on in order to distract them from leaving.  Tootie digs up all her dolls from the cemetery and builds a truly disturbing menagerie of snowpeople, while Esther, Lon and Rose are fully immersed in planning who to go to the Christmas ball with.

Esther is going with John, of course, but Lon’s crush Lucille is attending with Rose’s crush Warren, to their mutual chagrin.  Esther convinces Lon and Rose they should go as each other’s dates.  They reject this proposal until Esther assures them how much of a good time they’d have with each other without the pressure of participating in a romantic date.

With everyone set to attend the dance, John visits Esther last-minute to confess he cannot escort her to the ball because he has nothing to wear.  Esther reacts to this news in a calm and measured manner.

When Rose suggests that Esther also go with her and Lon, Esther admits how ridiculous and pathetic it would be to show up at the dance with your brother.  When Rose storms off, MVP Grandpa swoops in and saves the situation by inviting Esther as his date and she gleefully accepts.

At the dance, Esther decides to play a cruel trick on Lucille by taking the liberty to fill out Lucille’s dance card with a bunch of undesirable men, some of which I’m fairly convinced were actual children?  When Lucille arrives, she’s mature enough to admit her date with Warren is a ruse, and she’d much rather be there with Lon.  Warren agrees he’d rather be with Rose, and they swap dates.  Esther, realizing what a queen Lucille is for speaking her mind (and also getting the evil eye from Grandpa), gives her own dance card to Lucille and prepares herself for an evening of truly awkward interactions with the people she had recruited to dance with Lucille.  She is fortunate enough to share her last dance with Grandpa, and she laments it may be their last in St. Louis.  Just when things are starting to look their darkest, John swoops in wearing a suit he obtained somewhere out of thin air, and they share a romantic dance around the Christmas tree.

John proposes to Esther on the way home, and she bursts into tears, because although they love each other and plan to get married, the logistics of them staying together while he lives in St. Louis and she lives in New York City make things seem impossible.  She heads up to her bedroom and notices Tootie is still awake and completely distressed with the prospect of leaving the St. Louis.  Esther sings “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in order to alleviate her anxieties.

Judy’s rendition of this song brings me to tears every time I hear it.  It’s so beautiful and pushes all of the holiday nostalgia buttons.  Unfortunately, Tootie is not comforted by this song, and instead runs out screaming into the night to murder all her snow creations, because if she can’t take them to NYC with her she doesn’t want anybody else to enjoy them.

Seriously, Tootie is a psychopath.  If the family focuses on anything important during the new year, it better be getting this child to a therapist.  Also, the actress who plays her is phenomenal – those tears are fucking real and they hurt to watch.

Her father witnesses Tootie’s violent rage and finally realizes the impact this move is going to have on his family.  He decides then and there that the family is going to stay in St. Louis and he’ll just have to find some other way to make money.  The family’s jubilation is interrupted momentarily by an outburst from Warren, who storms into the household to yell a marriage proposal to Rose.

If someone proposes to me and doesn’t use the line “I have positively decided that we’re going to get married at the earliest opportunity,” or sings Charlie’s Dayman song at me, I’m saying no.

The family unpacks their belongings, the World’s Fair comes to St. Louis, and the family revels at being located at the best fair a soundstage can house for the foreseeable future.  The end.

I love this movie, it’s so fucking good.  The story, even though it’s not about a whole lot, is super engaging, the music is superb, and it fills me with good time vibes, which is especially helpful during the holiday season where I’m like one fragile moment away from bursting into tears all the time.  Please check out this masterpiece of a film and bask in its comforting glow.

Merry Christmas <3

Judy Garland and Fred Astaire star in another Irving Berlin holiday vehicle, Easter Parade.  Or as I like to think of it, the predecessor of She’s All That.

We’re introduced to Don, who is super focused on buying flowers, hats, and useless trinkets for his dancing partner, Nadine, because Easter is notorious for capitalist overconsumption.  In fact, he immediately cons a child out of buying a stuffed rabbit by playing drums with his feet.  Fred Astaire is like the uncle every parent hates because they buy shit for their kids that make a ton of noise.

Wow, a song about drums that features someone playing the drums.  Take note, Carmen Jones.

Returning to the hotel with his large bounty of gifts, Nadine (Ann Miller) confesses to Don she no longer wants to date or work with him, and instead has an offer to headline her own show.  Don tries to convince her to stay in his overbearing grasp by romantically singing in her ear, which only serves to skeeze me out since he’s 50 and she’s half his age.

Like, sure it’s Fred Astaire, and he’s ridiculously charming and a great dancer, but like… he could be her dad.  I will never understand why Hollywood cast and continues to cast movies like this; it’s uncomfortable.

Anyway, Don takes it like a champ and drowns his sorrows with a good ‘ol misogynistic bartender.  Riding high on the false assumption he taught Nadine all she knows, he vows to find another ingénue to imbue all his dancing knowledge, and if it makes Nadine jealous, so be it.

Enter Hannah Brown (Judy Garland), a painfully twee bar chorus dancer who sings about Michigan in a way nobody from Michigan would ever sing about Michigan.

He convinces her, because he’s famous, to quit her job and dance with him.  She, unfortunately, turns out to be a terrible dancer, which he wouldn’t expect from someone who is paid to dance nightly.  When she reveals she literally cannot differentiate her left and her right leg, he almost gives up, but like me, his heart melted from the moment she said “Good Morning” to him and he labors on.

On their lunch break, they run smack-dab into the Easter Parade, which is apparently a thing where people get all gussied up and walk down the street.  Nadine struts by them, living her best and most fabulous life.  Hannah is in awe of her, but Don, still salty from their breakup, reiterates that Hannah is going to destroy Nadine, whether she likes it or not.

Don then commences with plan “Make My Replacement Girlfriend Look as Much Like My Ex as Possible” by buying Hannah a bunch of clothes that don’t suit her and changing her name to Juanita because it is more “exotic”, which is some racist bullshit.  Hannah is also forced to prove her worth to Don by turning heads on the street.  She handles this in a creative and unique way.

Judy Garland is hilarious in this movie; I could not stop giggling at her.  

Juanita and Hewes enter the vaudeville circuit with their new act, which goes dubiously at best.

Nadine and Don attempt to have lunch afterward, but it goes about as well as his performance with Hannah.  He tries to convince Nadine she’d be nothing without him, and she chides him for trying to clone her.  Don then decides on his own volition (and definitely not because Nadine said her friends were mocking him) that maybe Hannah would be more comfortable if she wasn’t imitating someone else.  Hannah is thrilled with their change of direction and knocks every performance out of the park, gaining them notoriety and landing them an audition with Mr. Ziegfeld himself.

It is quickly revealed that Nadine is the headliner of the show Hannah and Don were auditioning for, and when Hannah finds out that Don and Nadine used to date, she is understandably upset.  He reassures her there’s no hard feelings there, and turns down the Ziegfeld show because, as he tells Hannah, her and Nadine don’t belong on the same stage.

Except Hannah is right and Don’s not totally over Nadine.  He attends her new show to see how good it is, and hoooooly shit, Ann Miller, you are a legend.

I think there’s only one other Ann Miller movie on this list and that is not enough.  I just want to relive these numbers over and over again.  I came to find out later that she filmed this with a BROKEN FUCKING BACK after her drunk husband pushed her down a flight of stairs causing the miscarriage of their child and I just… dude.  I have no words to describe how goddamn strong this woman was.  She also, according to biographer Walter Isaacson, gave war criminal Kissinger lip when she saw him on a date with Bond girl Jill St. John, questioning why he was having fun in public while “our boys in Vietnam are getting their heads shot off.”  Queen. Shit.

Don uses this as motivation to snag Hannah and him their own headlining show, and then celebrates their achievement by making out with her.  He realized they were in love this whole time, and that making Nadine jealous wasn’t as important as their new endeavor…  Sure.  Hannah sings Don and Nadine’s famous song in response and yeah, this whole thing is creepy, I don’t like it.

Opening night for Hannah and Hewes’ new show arrives, and it is spectacularly received.  Fred Astaire is exuberant, and you cannot ask for a better performer than him.  He exudes an effortless joy that is insanely infectious.

The number he and Judy share after this one is… a choice.  Even though Judy is ridiculously funny, I’m not going to attempt to defend this.

Afterward, they celebrate the opening of their own show by crashing Nadine’s show directly afterward, because Jesus, who wouldn’t want to watch Ann Miller?

This poor woman, who broke it off with Don because she wanted to strike it out on her own (and by the way, wasn’t in love with him…), gets a gig headlining a show that she CLEARLY deserves.  Don not only tries to replace her with literally anybody, but he dresses his new pet up and teaches her how to dance like Nadine.  Nadine’s friends have to tell her this information, which obviously embarrasses her to the point where she has to confront Don about it.  He then shows up with with his new girlfriend to audition their act at Nadine’s new place of business.  He’s so butthurt by Nadine standing up for herself he decides to headline his own show, only to then steal the glory from Nadine’s show by showing up as an audience member immediately afterward, pulling all the focus to him and his new girlfriend.  Nadine doesn’t crack under pressure, and graciously asks him to dance with her, presumably to prove to Hannah that this man is still hung up on his ex, and Nadine’s painted as the villain for it.

Also, it’s pretty clear Don was pigeon-holing her into this ballroom dancing role, since Nadine clearly can tap dance and sing just as good as Hannah.  No wonder she wanted to break free of their partnership, cheese and crackers.  #JusticeforNadine

Anyway, Hannah is broken hearted by Don and Nadine’s dance and runs off to get drunk at the bar where they met.  When Don runs into her later, he convinces Hannah him and Nadine’s dance was their version of breakup sex, and that he wants to move forward with his partnership with Hannah.  She believes this for whatever reason, and struts down the lane during the Easter Parade with Don on her arm and a shiny new engagement ring on her finger.  The End.

This movie, by all accounts, was fun for everyone to film, and it shows.  This was supposed to be a darker movie with Vincente Minnelli directing, but I’m glad with the director change came a light, fluffy story about dancing and hats.  While the plot did elicit a lot of eye rolls from me, the songs and dance numbers are great, and there isn’t a weak link in the cast list.  

Happy Zombie Jesus Day, everyone!