I knew the Muppet high would crash sooner or later. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be on movie 3 out of 7.
The Muppets Take Manhattan has a tone problem. And a story problem. And the songs are pretty lackluster. And there might have been a handful of jokes I laughed at? I fell asleep during this movie… twice. Why is it so high on the list?
The story revolves around the newly college-graduated Muppets, as they move to New York and try to sell their new musical, “Manhattan Melodies”, which has nothing to do with Manhattan, and instead focuses on the impending nuptials of Kermit and Miss Piggy. They pitch their show for months (even though it is not complete because it is missing something) to all kinds of producers, but eventually run out of money and have to find alternate jobs. Instead of staying in New York, the script does the dumbest thing ever by splitting up the Muppets, scattering them all across the country to secure jobs high school students would qualify for, even though it has already been established they all have college degrees (maybe this is commentary? Because in its unbelievability, by today’s standards it felt too real). Kermit stays behind to continue to search for a producer so he can lure all his friends back to the city with gainful employment. He travels to the top of the Empire State Building to reminisce on what he lost, but in this scene I was mostly distracted by the fact the camera is pointed on the back of his eyeballs the entire time. These bouncing white obs were increasingly disorienting to look at because my brain kept trying to fill in some eyelids.
This sad, motivational event happens 30 minutes into the movie, when usually it would be reserved for the end of the second act. The audience then has to slog through 30 more minutes of the same plot, except with none of the other goofy Muppets to bounce jokes off of. They are replaced with a boring human waitress named Jenny who has no personality and only exists to make Miss Piggy jealous. There are some moments of levity, but they’re immediately followed by Kermit and Miss Piggy moping because they miss their friends.
Then, Kermit finally sells the show, and after calling Jenny and Miss Piggy to tell them the good news, is hit by a car and gets amnesia. Jenny and Miss Piggy can’t find him, so they work without him to get all the other Muppets back to New York and rehearse the show for a premiere in two weeks. After Kermit is discharged from the hospital, he starts his life over by working in advertising on Madison Ave. Sidenote: I would have LOVED if Mad Men were a gritty remake of the last 10 minutes of The Muppets Take Manhattan, where instead of murdering someone and stealing their identity so he can leave Korea, Don is hit by a car and falls into advertising on accident.
Hours before the show’s opening, the Muppets find Kermit, but he doesn’t remember any of them. It’s not until Miss Piggy hits him that his memory comes back, because Miss Piggy’s violence solves all the problems in the Muppet universe. He realizes the thing that is missing from the musical is more Muppets, and they jump on stage, perform the show, and Miss Piggy and Kermit get married and presumably live happily ever after.
Ultimately, The Muppet Movie and The Muppets Take Manhattan are the same premise – a group of individuals want to pursue their dream of working in show business. The strength of The Muppet Movie is the emotional core; Kermit travels the country and finds friends that believe in his vision, and together they work their way toward Hollywood to make millions of people happy. The solidarity is what makes the movie work. The Muppets Take Manhattan answers the question “What if the movie executive said no?” and the Muppets slummed around for months, bummed out they can’t sell their show. They break up, and Kermit has to carry the dream on his own. The core of the movie isn’t hope – it’s loneliness and despair. The moment things start to look encouraging, Kermit – and I cannot stress this enough – is hit by a car, and ends up in the hospital, leading into the most ridiculous 15-minute subplot that was unneeded so close to the end, if at all. The Muppets performing their show at the end does not feel like the same emotional payout that The Muppet Movie earns. It’s because it’s rushed to its conclusion, and Kermit’s absence in its realization makes it feel hollow.
That being said, there are some cute moments, but they’re pretty spaced out:
- Miss Piggy chasing down a guy who stole her purse in the most fierce way.
- Gonzo becomes a stunt performer in Michigan, and the dude pulling Gonzo on water skis is wearing a chicken suit and riding on the boat with a bunch of chickens.
- When Kermit gets amnesia, he’s unable to control his voice modulation and it sounds robotic and strange.
The “Manhattan Melodies” songs are mediocre, which makes the end fairly lackluster. With one exception, “I’m Gonna Always Love You”, where the Muppets are imagined as babies. It comes out of left field, as if they realized they needed to inject some fun in the movie, so they added this one-off number of the Muppets goofing around and looking adorably cute and ripe for merchandising opportunities and spin-offs.
I’m going on record now to express my distaste for Doo-Wop music, and man… this is a great embodiment of it. But I do acknowledge this is the only scene in the hour and 40 minutes that stands out. Even then, it doesn’t instill desire enough in me to relive this movie in any capacity.
Next is The Muppet Christmas Carol, which I’m fairly certain I’ve seen before and enjoyed, so it can only go up from here.