This story is a cautionary tale against playing a murder hobo in your RPG.
Let’s uh… Let’s talk about teenage Colleen for a moment here. I know, I don’t want to do it either, but context is needed and so it shall be provided.
Picture it: Grand Rapids, 2002. 15-year-old me, who very much loved shopping at Hot Topic, watching anime, and listening to System of a Down, went on vacation with my family for winter break. My father, who enjoys a wide variety of artistic expressions (except The Offspring’s “chainsaw music”) procures tickets at the Civic Theater for an unknown-to-him musical, Sweeney Todd. None of my family, in fact, had any idea what it was about, so it was to my absolute delight when a demented barber started lopping off heads with a razor at the end of the first act. It was the most bizarre musical I had ever witnessed, and my only critiques were this:
- The squealing noise they play every time a character is killed was too loud.
- Sweeney sang about his razors too much.
- The love story was dumb.
Other than that, once I returned home, I downloaded whatever was available on Kazaa. Sondheim has never, ever, been my jam, except for this musical, which I would defend with my life. There is an entire song about baking people into pies. It is the most on-brand thing that could have ever existed for the teenage version of me.
So imagine my utter delight several years later when it was announced that Tim Burton would be adapting it to screen, with Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Alan Rickman as the leads. My favorite director and my favorite people and my favorite musical… I honestly couldn’t have cast it better in my mind. I had a promo poster hanging up in my dorm room for months. And then, I went and saw it and just… had some feelings I didn’t expect.
I think this story lends itself to film very well, because it gives a lot of opportunities of showing, not telling. The stage musical has a repeating chorus of cast members explaining to the audience the show they are about to see (put a pin in this, we’ll get back to it), but we don’t need that in film because it can very explicitly show Sweeney Todd slitting throats of randos that just wanted a shave. The uncomfortably up-close opening credits following the pie making process was brilliant and perfectly set expectations regarding the amount of gore your eyeballs are about to be accosted with. The sheer amount of blood they could use in this slasher film gleefully elevated it to campy as fuck. It was one of the great additions that obviously can’t be replicated on stage. Well, not without a splash zone, that is.
The horror aspect is the best part about this movie. I giggled incessantly during the Johanna murder montage. Every thud of a person rocketing down the body chute cracked me up. Also, the suspense during the first shaving scene with the Judge had me cringing, and I already knew what was going to happen.
The fantasy montages also worked fairly well. “By the Sea” is kind of a throwaway song in the stage musical, but it’s genuinely funny in the movie, where its vignettes overtly show how different Mr. Todd and Mrs. Lovett’s idea of an ideal future are.
These changes come with a set of maybe unintended consequences. I understand why the chorus was removed, and I support it generally, but without the character introductions, the first time we see Sweeney is on a boat with Anthony brooding that there’s no place like London. There’s no fanfare, no shrill sopranos shrieking his name, no grand reveal. Basically, it takes one of the most powerful entrances of a titular character, one that always causes the audience to spontaneously applause, and reduces it to a quiet moment of Johnny Depp trying out the ridiculous accent he’s developed for this role.
But the most egregious misuse of showing-not-telling is “A Little Priest”, god help me…
“A Little Priest” as a song is such a fucking masterpiece. If you look up “dark comedy” in the dictionary, it’s just a picture of Patti LuPone offering an imaginary meat pie filled with people meat to George Hearn.
It is 8-minutes of cannibalism puns that was written specifically for Angela Lansbury. Patti setting up George with “How can you tell?” is my entire life. The joy I feel every time I listen to this song is just… Heavenly! It doesn’t need a fancy set or props because it’s based on their imagination. Bringing reality to this seems completely misguided.
But what does the movie do with this song? BUTCHER IT :ba dum tss:
It shows every person they’re willing to murder to boost Mrs. Lovett’s meat pie business, but does that really add anything? Mr. Todd and Mrs. Lovett spend the majority of the song casing the neighborhood out the window, which I think is meant to convey their predatory nature. The side-effect of this, however, is they are barely interacting, removing the majority of the magic of these characters finally understanding each other for the first time. Sure, they dance a little, but then Sweeney starts leading Mrs. Lovett around by her neck, exerting his dominance over her, when the whole fucking point of the song is Sweeney realizing Mrs. Lovett is his equal. He literally places his cleaver at her neck when talking about murdering the judge, even though she’s just established as his partner in crime. This is the campiest song in the entire show, and while the rest of this movie has wholeheartedly embraced the ridiculousness of the entire plot, “A Little Priest” somehow comes off as tedious and slightly abusive. And neither of them look like they’re having that much fun with it.
This song just highlights the miscasting of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Their portrayal of these characters is understated in comparison to their stage counterparts, and part of this I understand because of the medium they’re working within. What plays great to the back of the room in a stage production is going to look like overkill when the camera is a few feet from the actor’s face. But Johnny Depp’s Sweeney looks bored and uninterested instead of brooding, and Helena’s Mrs. Lovett is so fragile that a strong wind would bring her down. I really, really love Helena Bonham Carter in other roles, but she cannot sing. Something as vocally demanding as the role of Mrs. Lovett is hard for a professional, as she has to persistently exert power so the audience believes she can hold her own against a literal serial killer. Every time Helena sings, it feels so thin – she doesn’t hold out a single note, and nothing is at a volume louder than a whisper. Her timid nature reads as victimization of her circumstances instead of a willing participant in this scheme.
During the promo of this movie, it was mentioned several times that Johnny Depp was in a band, so having him finally get the opportunity to use his voice in a role was going to pay off. It, um… didn’t. I feel like the dumb accent he affected got in the way of him properly singing. Tim Burton’s inability to not cast Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in every single film he makes really did a disservice to this movie. Like, there are more than a few actors and actresses that can sing this role.
The rest of the cast are excellent, which makes this so disappointing. Typically Anthony and Johanna are played by people in their 30s, but they cast age appropriate actors in these roles who can sing, and who both captivated my attention. The amount I care about the romance between Anthony and Johanna in the stage show is 0%. In general, the whole situation is fairly unsettling, considering their “love song” is Johanna talking about killing herself to prevent daddy-fiancé from marrying her while Anthony pleads with her to kiss him. The film does away with this, making Anthony’s obsession with Johanna appropriately creepy, and her willingness to go along with him as only a means to an end to get away from her captor. I appreciated this interpretation, and felt it added depth to both their characters.
Jayne Wisener makes this very difficult song sound effortless and beautiful. The later scenes where she alludes to her ongoing trauma from the entire experience was perfect to include. It illustrates the consequences of being used as a human prize by people who give no consideration to her thoughts and feelings.
Jamie Campbell Bower gives me goosebumps when he sings “Johanna”. His face has disturbing determination written all over it, and it makes me feel like maybe Johanna may not be in better hands with him instead of the judge or her murdering, but devoted father. She really has no good options – it’s heartbreaking.
Sasha Baron Cohen and Ed Sanders also do a great job portraying Pirelli and Toby respectively. Sweeney Todd came out shortly after Borat, and to tell you I didn’t expect this from him is an understatement.
And Alan Rickman was perfect, as fucking always. God, I love and miss Colonel Brandon.
I wanted to love this movie when it came out, and also upon rewatch, but I just don’t. Maybe if it were my only exposure to the source material it would have held the same place in my heart as the stage show, but because I’ve seen Patti LuPone knock this out of the park, I’m always going to wonder what could have been.
Cast more broadway actors in movies, is all I’m saying. It worked for Julie Andrews films, it can work again.
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