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#74 Going My Way (1944)

coll2mitts — Fri, 19 Jul 2024 03:30:26 +0000

After the complicated dance I did trying to balance out the strengths and weaknesses of La La Land (someone had to do it since nobody in that movie was), I really wanted to focus on something surprisingly wholesome and uncomplicated. Going My Way is a Bing Crosby feature that received all the acclaim, changed the rules on Academy Award nominations and subsequently disappeared from public consciousness. In contrast with the holiday juggernaut White Christmas that rises from the grave and is paraded around every holiday season, I didn’t even know this movie existed until I saw it nestled at #74 on this list. I found a DVD copy at the library to watch, but not among other movie musicals, but hidden in the classic movies section with Frankenstein and Gone with the Wind as its neighbors. For Christ’s sake, I had to create my own gifs this time because there’s only one gif set of this movie on Tumblr… It really fell off.

While age naturally buries even good motion pictures, I think Going My Way’s subject matter in general is what relegated it to Church Basement bargain sales. Bing Crosby plays Charles Francis Patrick O’Malley, a Catholic priest sent to New York with aims to “assist” Father Fitzgibbon (Barry Fitzgerald) in turning his dwindling parish around. He succeeds in this by getting involved in the community, forming alliances with those who are not free of sin, and providing activities for wayward youths heading down the wrong path.

If all the alarm bells are ringing in your head right now, you are not alone. Movies today about Catholic priests touching boys focus less on the figurative feel-good sense and more on literal crimes like Spotlight, By the Grace of God, or Primal Fear. This, of course, is not without merit considering the vast, disgusting history of the Catholic church preying on young children while praying for forgiveness. But try (if you can) to put this grim reality out of your mind, along with Bing Crosby’s own pockmarked record of how well he raised his own children. Chuck O’Malley is a progressive (for his time) cool priest, not a regular priest. He is casual in dress, leaves the church frequently to mingle with its patrons, and doesn’t speak down to or laud himself higher than those he interacts with. This is Catholic fan fiction of what kind of support the Catholic church wants to portray it provides to its members.

Father O’Malley’s introduction to the audience immediately sets the tone of his character, wandering the streets sporting a casual boater hat and lugging around a plain suitcase. In attempting to locate his new church in NYC, Chuck instead gets harassed by a busybody, takes the blame for a kid breaking an atheist’s window with a baseball, and gets sprayed by a street cleaner. Adorning his East St. Louis sweats, he meets Father Fitzgibbon for the first time, giving the Father the impression this new recruit is less than committed to the professionalism needed for the job. Not only that, but Chuck takes a personal call from his old schoolmate Father Timmy (Frank McHugh) in the middle of their conversation, who is not only a jovial loudmouth, but loves golf (which everyone knows is just a pool hall moved outdoors).

It’s not just youth that makes Father Fitzgibbon hesitant to trust his new partner with his parish; It’s his grand attachment to St. Dominic’s, a church he raised the funds to build over forty years ago. Father O’Malley tries to alleviate Fitzgibbon’s concerns by immediately making connections with its parishioners, with his first gracious act assuming ownership of a bunch of unwanted puppies and their mother. He’s then sent on another side quest to prevent the eviction of the same mouthy lady who gave him lip the day before, Mrs. Quimp (Anita Sharp-Bolster), since she’s not paid her rent in over 6 months.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the real villain of this movie (and in rl) is capitalism. Knickerbocker Savings and Loan are the mortgage holders of St. Dominic’s and after 5 months of missed payments warn Father Fitzgibbon they’ll need to take “necessary action” on the church if it doesn’t cough up some funds. Mr. Ted Haines Sr. (Gene Lockhart) bemoans they’ve made a “bad loan” and want to get their money back, but like, they gave it to a church? It’s not like we’re talking Mormon or Scientology money here – this is 1944 toward the end of a second World War. If they were dumb enough to make this bad investment that’s their own issue. Not to mention the optics of foreclosing on a church is really, really bad.

Mr. Ted Haines Jr. (James L. Brown) is more than aware of this. Training to take over his father’s business, he’s a toothless dog in charge of distributing bad news. When Father O’Malley finds him lingering outside of Mrs. Quimp’s apartment lobbing threats at a fixed income woman, Chuck assures Teddy Jr. she’ll pay back the money next month, and that’s a St. Dominic’s promise. This does little to impress Sonny Boy since St. Dominic’s is also on the road to defaulting and his dad is already fantasizing paving paradise to put up a parking lot. But he takes Chuck’s word for it and leaves the unpleasant woman alone. Mrs. Quimp extends no grace to Father O’Malley for his kind deed, however, since she is the type to find fault with anyone, especially outsiders.

On the way home from saving the day again, Father O’Malley witnesses the same miscreant street baseball playing boys stealing turkeys from a truck. When Father Fitzgibbon runs into them outside of the church, the kids, particularly their ring leader Tony, say they won the turkey in a theater raffle and like, holy shit, was it a common thing to raffle feathered poultry at your local movie theater during the 1940s?! Figuring they needed to avoid the heat from the constable, they give the bird to Father Fitzgibbon, which bemuses Father O’Malley when he returns home to find their housekeeper, Mrs. Carmody, has cooked up donated hot turkey for dinner. When the constable returns two turkey-free children to Father O’Malley later in the night, the Father doesn’t outright threaten to rat them out to the cops, but instead offers them tickets to a baseball game to earn their trust.

Again, must reiterate, nothing bad happens to these children during the runtime of this movie. OK? OK.

With his youth rehabilitation plan now in motion, Father O’Malley is also asked to deal with the city’s rampant prostitution issue. The ‘Ol Biddy Mrs. Quimp saw an unmarried, unaccompanied woman and immediately called the cops because clearly she’s an undesirable element. The cop lets this young runaway stay in his house overnight and delivers her to the church in the morning since she clearly needs Jesus. Shit, she’d probably be safer on the street.

Carol James may look older, but she’s an 18-year-old who decided to strike it off on her own since her parents don’t let her date and are not supportive of her dream of becoming a singer. Instead of sending her on her way since she’s a fucking adult, Father O’Malley decides to conduct a mini audition in order to workshop her act, revealing that Chuck is a talented musician that gave up his career to instead work for the lord. He believes Carol has potential to succeed, but her presentation may need some work.

After Father O’Malley suggests to Carol maybe flapping around like a bird is more distracting than illustrative, Father Fitzgibbon wanders in the room seemingly perplexed that this church instrument is actually being played. His own advice to Carol is to go home to her parents and wait around until the right man comes to marry her off so she can pop out some children and fulfill her true purpose. Oh, the 1940s… please change. Sooner rather than later. I find this attitude particularly perplexing during the war when millions of women were stepping up and performing non-traditional jobs while the men were overseas… but maybe less surprised that this instruction is coming from a priest. Shit, NFL kickers are emboldened to share these regressive views today, so not a whole lot has evolved from the Faith and Family people.

Carol leaves on her own recognizance and Father O’Malley returns his focus back on the youth. Tony is O’Malley’s biggest cheerleader and vouches for the father to the other lost boys. He keeps secrets for us! He took us to a baseball game! He bought us hot dogs! He said he’s gonna show us movies! It’s a relieving notion that the only aim of Father O’Malley’s affection is to get the boys involved in a productive character building activity – a church choir.

Father Fitzgibbon, being a man who clearly doesn’t feel the same way about “Three Blind Mice” that Pat Finnerty does, decides to rat out Father O’Malley’s activities to the Bishop. Unfortunately the interaction doesn’t go according to Father Fitzgibbon’s plan when it is insinuated that Father O’Malley isn’t there to help him out, but is actually in charge of running the church and was too polite and kind to kick Father Fitzgibbon to the curb. Father Fitzgibbon reacts to this news in a totally reasonable and not at all dramatic way – by packing a suitcase and running off in the middle of a rainstorm without telling anybody where he was going.

When Mrs. Carmody discovers Fitzgibbon’s absence when she ventures upstairs to ask him to join Father O’Malley for dinner, the two alert the one constable who works in New York City and when they finally fish him out and return him, Mrs. Carmody and the Father wring him out and put him to bed.

Facing retirement, Father Fitzgibbon begins to reminisce to Father O’Malley of his time in the church, realizing he dedicated his life to a cause that would unceremoniously strip him of his parish and hand it over to some young whippersnapper with wild ideas. He traveled to America 45 years ago from Ireland leaving his mother behind and has not once returned for a visit because of his commitment to his congregation. Surprisingly his 90-year-old mother awaits his return, sending a bottle of whiskey every year around Christmas that the father uses as a calendar to mark yet another spin around the sun.

“I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even during Christmas.”

Barry Fitzgerald was nominated for both Best Actor AND Best Supporting Actor for his role as Father Fitzgibbon. He ultimately won Best Supporting Actor (and later decapitated his plaster Oscar in a golf-related accident), but this confusing ballot led the Academy to change the rules to prevent the same role from being nominated in multiple categories. Mr. Fitzgerald does a great job at playing a curmudgeonly old man set in his ways, but flexible enough to acknowledge change isn’t necessarily bad. Ultimately he cares about his parish, and if the Bishop believes Father O’Malley is the one to help strengthen the community and raise the funds to keep the church, Father Fitzgibbon will go along for the ride. Chuck also assures Father Fitzgibbon he has no intentions of displacing him and convinces him to stay so they can work together to Damn the Man and Save the Empire.

In the ever growing list of Father O’Malley’s allies, the next day he literally runs into an old flame, Jenny, on the street. Played by real life opera singer Risë Stevens (an opera singer who can actually sing in a movie musical, and one whose voice was once insured for 1 million dollars?! Unheard of!), Jenny (now rebranded as Genevieve) is on her way to The Met to prepare for her performance in Carmen. Quite the non-traditional woman, Chuck and Jenny used to exchange letters while she was on her European tour, and when the letters stopped Jenny wondered what had happened to her childhood friend. Turns out the message with important context was lost, leading to this touching reveal.

Risë Stevens just sparkles on screen – you really can’t help but smile along with her.

With all the cards all out on the table, Jenny regroups and gets ready for her performance by acknowledging the conductor’s own prayer.

“I want to ask you just a small favor. Tonight, would you be so good as to glance occasionally at my baton? Tonight, let’s not race. Let’s try just for once to finish together?”

Jenny isn’t only just a friend, but now a valuable networking connection. Father Timmy had the great idea to try and sell Chuck’s original song “Going My Way” to a publisher in order to raise funds for the church. When Jenny drops by to hear O’Malley’s boys choir in action and overhears the unfortunate news that the music industry thinks the song is too schmaltzy, she decides to recruit the The Met orchestra to play the song for the musical bigwigs in order to convince them to reconsider.

With the backing of an entire orchestra, a boys choir, and a real life opera singer, the record industry executives decide to… give O’Malley the dignity of rejecting his song in person. It’s not sexy enough, and everyone knows church songs need to be sexy.

Disappointed, the boys ask Father O’Malley if they can sing the mule song to cheer him up, and while the record industry wasn’t interested in run-of-the-mill ballads, kids songs apparently are all the rage. They eavesdrop on their performance, decide it’s a home run, and offer Father O’Malley some coin for the silly song about how animals lack morality.

I would much rather be a pig than a human, confirmed.

Instead of accepting the money outright, Father Timmy convinces the executives to instead go to the church, hear Father Fitzgibbon’s sermon, and then donate as much as their heart inspires them to. This not only restores Father Fitzgibbon’s faith that he is still a valuable asset of the church that can compel an exorbitant amount of money of his congregation, it assures the funds are donated directly to the church, y’know, tax free.

Father O’Malley’s other parish side quests serendipitously collide when he receives yet another call from fucking Mrs. Quimp who is unhappy that Carol is seemingly fucking Ted Haines Jr. for rent money, and presumeably Mrs. Quimp is annoyed that format of payment isn’t available for her. Chuck shows up at Carol’s surprisingly well-furnished and piano-housed apartment and is sold the line that Teddy Jr. is funding Carol’s lifestyle out of the goodness of his own heart and conviction in her talent, and definitely for no other reason. Chuck side-eyes the young couple, tells them a story about finding proper purpose in life, and leaves letting that thinly-veiled guilt trip permeate their pore-free skin.

Not long afterward, Teddy Sr. is surprised to discover that his son has not only been shacking up with a young woman, but he eventually put a ring on her finger a few weeks ago, yet again proving that the church’s solution to promiscuous women is to marry them off. This news would have landed like a ton of bricks if Teddy Jr. didn’t follow it up by informing his father of his enlistment in the United States Air Force. I definitely didn’t cry when this flighty dude put on his uniform and left his wife and father in the apartment to go off to war – You can’t get the granddaughter of an air force veteran with that one, no sir, made of steel, I am.

Anyway, with Carol married, Teddy gone, and the mortgage company now firmly off their backs, Father O’Malley and Father Timmy shift their focus on ushering Father Fitzgibbon into retirement by encouraging him to pick up a few hobbies, like golf, and potentially returning to the old country to visit his elderly mother.

Father O’Malley’s interest in golf, and sports in general, is just another way to make him more worldly and of-the-people. It sticks out in Going My Way so significantly that it is cribbed on later in Dogma with Cardinal Glick, a man that is also desperately trying to get the youth back into the church by making Jesus more approachable.

“Keep your head down Father – Watch your language.”

While the plan is initially successful, it is immediately derailed when THE CHURCH LITERALLY BURNS DOWN WITH NO APPARENT CAUSE. Shit, I wonder how much God actually loves Father Fitzgibbon or his mother cause it sure seems like he never wants them to be reunited.

The established support team is now fully focused on fundraising, again, to rebuild the church. Father Timmy, Jenny, and the boys choir leave for the summer on a concert tour to raise money while Father Fitzgibbon is pounding the payment and essentially panhandling for a few coins. This gives them enough money to start rebuilding, but not enough to finish. Mr. Haines Sr., touched by Father O’Malley’s influence on his son (and seemingly relieved Teddy Jr. returned from Africa alive but wounded because one of his buddies ironically ran him over with a Jeep?!) decides to help the church with the mortgage so they can reestablish. Hopefully this time he won’t eventually get frustrated with their slow payments and threaten eviction again.

With the church’s financials in order, Father Fitzgibbon revitalized, and the parish productively engaged in their community, the bishop decides to reassign Father O’Malley to a new struggling parish and appoint Father Timmy as Father Fitzgibbon’s new curate. Like a Catholic Mary Poppins, Father O’Malley passes the baton to Tony to run the choir, flew Father Fitzgibbon’s mother in for a visit which definitely didn’t make me cry again, and floated off into the night. The end.

A Catholic himself, Bing Crosby, having attended Jesuit schools during his education, was also invested in portraying the relaxed “Americanization” of Catholicism, depicting the church as open to new ideas. Leo McCarey allowed and encouraged his actors to provide input and improvise, and while that annoyed performers like Cary Grant, it was a good fit for Bing. Crosby and Bob Hope had just filmed several “road movies” and thrived on the push and pull of on-the-spot comedy.

The original Hot Priest (although in the beginning of his film career he was encouraged to tape his ears back because studio execs are dumb as fuck), Father O’Malley was a departure from Crosby’s typical romantic crooner “always gets the girl” type roles. Bing’s rise to the public consciousness coincided with improvements in audio recording, allowing singers to eat the mic and give more subtle and intimate vocal performances. Not every Catholic was incredibly happy with Mr. Crosby’s portrayal of a priest wearing street clothes and talking about baseball, but the general public wanted some feel-good optimism in a time of fear and uncertainty, leading them to be incredibly charitable to the performance of a well-loved swoony-voiced radio star. It was refreshing to see a priest portrayed as a cheerleader for the working class, demystifying the stuffy, sometimes sinister image of an unmoving and uncaring religious organization. There are no secrets here – the basement isn’t a dungeon, but a joyous place where children sing the praises of Jesus!

Bing Crosby himself was a bit like Father O’Malley with his willingness to buck tradition and embrace changes. Understanding the importance of the technology that launched his career, he was an entrepreneur that funded innovation in audio and video recording as well as seeking out and promoting new generations of talent that used it like Frank Sinatra. His last Christmas special even included a duet with rocker David Bowie. He died the next year from a heart attack after playing 18 holes on the golf course. Father O’Malley’s love of the sport wasn’t just a random character trait – it was a large part of Bing Crosby’s personality. He truly did what he loved up until the very end.

Going My Way and its sequel, The Bells of St. Mary’s, won the Academy Award for Best Picture (also was the first sequel to win the award), and went on to inspire a 1960s TV series starring Gene Kelly as Father O’Malley and Leo G. Carroll as Father Fitzgibbon. I could only find one episode of it online and I’m going to be honest, I was bored out of my mind and skimmed it after like 20 minutes. If that sample is indicative of the tone of the rest of the show, it’s incredibly overdramatic and humorless. I’m not sure how anybody watched the film Going My Way and thought it would be successful as an hour-long drama, so if anybody has any information about how this came about almost 20 years after the movie was made, let me know.

While the film inspired the revitalization of the cushy, approachable Catholic church, the lasting legacy of Going My Way is somewhat mixed due to its creator’s shenanigans. This wholesome movie was written and directed by famed Preserver of American Ideals Leo McCarey. Previously known for his role in the creation of slapstick comedy duo Laurel and Hardy, this epic king testified to the House Un-American Activities Committee that the communists who worked as his writers were trying to put secret messages in his films, but they were getting harder and harder to find because the writers were so crafty, NOT because he was inventing the entire conspiracy and had no evidence to back his claims. My Son John (1952), McCarey’s own anti-communist propaganda movie, further cemented his ideals that Good Christians not only rejected godless communism, but ratted out those who espoused those beliefs, even if they came from their own child. His last film, Satan Never Sleeps (1962), further demonizes Chinese communists as untrustworthy and violent heathens that are only redeemed by eventually converting to Christianity.

While Going My Way is clearly Catholic propaganda not incredibly dissimilar from an episode of 7th Heaven, I choose to view it at face value. Its story and cast are both charming, and the acts of kindness featured in the film, while some of them being corny and maybe slightly regressive by today’s standards, did elicit an emotional reaction out of me. Sometimes you just want to see a bunch of people being nice to each other and pretend that the Catholic church operates out of acts of love like Jesus intended instead of being a breeding ground for nightmarish conservative evangelicalism. Let the few catchy songs lull you into a false sense of security, because reality is depressing enough.

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#5 La La Land (2016)

coll2mitts — Mon, 22 Apr 2024 00:24:18 +0000

I’ve been writing movie summaries/reviews here for 4 years now, and by far the most fun part of this project has been falling in love with films I never would have sought out if not for the list. For example, The Court Jester, 42nd Street, and Yankee Doodle Dandy were movies I had no interest in at face value, but each one of them elicited unhinged giggling out of me. I hadn’t even heard of The Young Girls of Rochefort, but every day since watching that movie I’ll get the melody of “Chanson des jumelles” randomly stuck in my head. My favorite side effect, however, is being so bowled over by a scene in a film that I replay it in my head for years after I see it. Balancing the bottles in Fiddler on the Roof, Ann Miller tap dancing in “Shakin’ the Blues Away”, Stubby Kaye confessing his vices in “Sit Down You’re Rockin’ the Boat”, watching Taron Egerton begin “Rocket Man” at the bottom of a pool and end it playing to a stadium full of people being literally shot off like a firework… I haven’t written about it here, but the first time I saw “Naatu Naatu” I could feel myself light up from the inside out of excitement. There’s a reason so many people were compelled to learn the choreography because Ram Charan and N. T. Rama Rao Jr. looked so flippin’ cool when they performed it. I can’t sit still when I listen to it – Obsessed. I’m obsessed.

The director of La La Land, Damien Chazelle, also loves musicals, which I’m sure was refreshing to see in 2016 after the world had been blessed with Into the Woods. You can tell by the sheer amount of references to other, some would say better, musicals in La La Land. This presumption was confirmed by listening to the director’s commentary where Mr. Chazelle name-dropped like 18 different movies without even touching on the ones I’ll reference later. Watching La La Land was an exercise in “Hey, I remember that thing!” over, and over, and over…

And starting with our first crib, this story is framed like Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

Winter

It may be cold and snowy in other parts of the country, but it’s always sunny in LA!

This is a chaotic carpool karaoke fever dream. It wants to be Fame so badly but in my opinion fails to garner the same amount of excitement experienced by high school kids holding up NYC traffic. I hope they at least gave their performers hazard pay to dance on top of those cars.

Moviewise does a great job breaking down why this number feels so haphazard, from the strange focus pulling to the awkward scene framing. One of their criticisms lobbed at “Another Day of Sun” is the skill of the choreography in general, and I’ll push back a little on this point. You can have low-skill choreography in a musical movie and have it succeed in communicating the atmosphere of the scene. I mean, look at Ella Hunt and Malcolm Cumming in Anna and the Apocalypse. They’re “organically” dancing in a graveyard but it works because these kids have rizz and sell it perfectly. You will never again see two teenagers so gleefully walking to school. We also know these characters a good amount by the time this scene rolls around so the juxtaposition of Anna and Josh incorrectly thinking their problems are on the way to being solved and dancing in celebration while the world is literally ending around them is both sad and hilarious. Nobody in “Another Day of Sun” matters, to be frank, so why are we watching them stumble around on a freeway? According to the director there were several people on the crew taking bets on whether or not this number would make the cut because it felt like they were “settling” which… oof. Trust your instincts.

What a time to be alive, what a time to BE a-live… Shit, now I just want to watch Anna and the Apocalypse. That movie is also incredibly depressing at the end, but I’d watch it a million times more than La La Land.

Back in traffic on the freeway, Mia (Emma Stone) and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) have their first meet cute – Sebastian, after compulsively destroying a cassette tape, honks at Mia’s car while she flips him off. I’m fairly certain all of Ryan Gosling’s on-screen romances start slightly antagonistic.

Let me get this out of the way – I like Ryan and Emma as actors both separately and as romantic partners. HBO used to play Murder By Numbers on repeat when I was in high school for what felt like a year and I had a sick fascination with Ryan and Michael Pitt’s relationship in that movie. Easy A is a classic 2010s teen comedy and I reference Emma singing along to “Pocketful of Sunshine” more than I think is healthy for someone in their 30s. Crazy, Stupid, Love. is messy and fantastic, and the strange and dorky way Ryan and Emma play off each other is so fucking funny and charming. Their relationship in La La Land, though, um… well, it’s something. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We discover Mia is an aspiring actress that works at a coffee shop on the Warner Brothers lot that tries to give away free coffee to famous millionaires. In her free time she heads to a series of truly heinous-looking auditions, but not before running into someone and getting coffee spilled down the front of her shirt in a moment that is inches away from being added to the Jaime French Female Protagonist Fall Compilation. That night, Mia would like nothing more than to wallow in her latest failure, but her 3 friends (one of them might be her agent?) convince her to dress up in some JCPenny-esque dresses and go out to a party on the chance she might catch the eye of someone that’ll benefit her career.

From the cheapness of these dresses, to the elementary school box of crayons palette that was especially disgusting in the opening number, what is the costuming department even doing for these extras? Mia’s roommates are selling this 100x more than she is. I particularly love the face the girl in the green dress makes to mask Emma stumbling off course and bumping into her. Absolute gold: 10/10. Would have loved to see more of them in the rest of this film, but they’re unceremoniously shuffled out of the narrative after this.

Also, how dare this movie, with all the references to other musicals, omit one for Busby Berkeley in the pool scene.

Leaving the swanky party early and abandoning her friends, Mia discovers her car has been towed. Walking back to her apartment she passes a restaurant with live piano music, and like a siren’s call she’s sucked inside to listen to the wistful theme in person.

We then time travel backward to get Mr. Road Rage’s perspective and an exposition dump from an impromptu visit from his sister we never hear speak again after this even though she eventually gets engaged, married, and has a child. Seb loves jazz, he was going to open a club but he got swindled out of his money, and he’s single (to his sister’s chagrin). When he’s not being outwardly hostile to everyone around him he plays the piano in a restaurant for money until the owner (J. K. Simmons!) fires him for playing off the book. Mia witnesses this exchange, and when she goes up to tell Sebastian she likes his song, he completely blows her off.

Spring

Chester French, don’t implicate A-ha in this.

Seb is placed in another humiliating scenario when Mia encounters him at a house party while dressed like an extra from Back to the Future and playing covers of 80s synth hits. Mia basically says, “Dance monkey, dance!” which causes Seb to approach her afterward and somehow smugly apologize for his behavior. She continues to cut him down a notch while causally admitting to be a failed actress who spends most of her time making coffee for employed actors. This, I guess, piques Seb’s interest enough that when she accosts him later to ask him to grab her car keys from the valet he goes out of his way to escort her to her Prius.

For as much as this backdrop looks like it’s filmed on a lot, this was actually a live action scene that the actors only had 30 minutes to shoot before the sun went down. I’m not going to shit on the set – it’s stunning and deserving of its place on the movie poster. I am going to shit on everything else, though, because it turns out I’m petty AF.

You may be wondering (you’re probably not) why it took me so long to watch this movie. I like the actors, I like musicals, and this movie got serious Oscar buzz. This, my friends, is the dumb reason why:

I just knew, I could just SMELL it all over this movie poster that the musical numbers were going to make my eye twitch. Why are their arms held at different angles? Which one of them screwed up the choreography? There’s no way this is intentional, and it ended up on the poster of the movie. If it was intentional, I have so many other questions because it just looks wrong.

They’re… fine. Ryan can sing, but the number starts outside of his vocal range and he does this thing where he cuts his lines short instead of that Astaire-esque sort of crooning I think he was trying to do. The dance itself is very Fred-and-Ginger as it starts with opposing and combative moves and ends with them in sync, but Mia first complains about her heels and changes into dancing shoes which sparked this thought:

The dance is sloppy and it takes me totally out of it. At the end Emma’s a little too fast and Ryan’s a little too slow with pivoting their bodies and I can just HEAR the choreographer shouting the counts at them because it seems like their feet hitting the ground are the only things matching the music (until the beat cuts out) cause their bodies aren’t aligned at all. Mandy Moore had 2 months to train two non-dancers to perform like Broadway vets (and had previously worked on Dancing with the Stars, which honestly sounds like the best credentials for a project like this), but I think they needed a bit more time for polish. Or at least give them the flexibility to fuck up a bit sometimes by not making this a long shot. For context, Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman were in dance rehearsals for 3 months before Moulin Rouge and they barely danced in that movie, but the director thought it was important to train his actors and it reflected on their performances.

I did enjoy the adorable little slide at the end that Ryan ad-libbed which the director contributed as a Gene Kelly-ism, but that is 100% a James Cagney thing.

OK, now that I’ve been sufficiently bitchy, let me confess I loved the scenes where Seb and Mia are learning more about each other’s passions and falling in love. Walking through the Warner Brothers lot hearing Mia reminisce about her Aunt, Seb opining over jazz being a form of communication… it’s less like the Bro Explaining meme and more like two geeks geeking-out over geeky things.

When they go on their first date to watch Rebel Without a Cause and they’re about to hold hands for the first time in the movie theater I was internally cheering and felt butterflies in my own stomach when they finally connected. When the movie ends abruptly they decide to silently migrate to the planetarium, the location of the most famous scene in Rebel (which is tonally strange considering what happens at the end of that movie). The two of them dancing through the planetarium is a gorgeous fantasy montage that launches them literally into space twirling among the stars.

The director said he was inspired by 2001, The Tree of Life, the fairies in Sleeping Beauty, and surprisingly, the fire extinguisher scene in Wall-E (I also appreciate a movie that features scenes from Hello Dolly). I was instead reminded of Moulin Rouge because I’ll never forget the exact moment I fell in love with Ewan McGregor while he sang, “…and this one’s for you.”. And once I connected those dots I was pretty underwhelmed at the back-in-reality kiss at the end. If you’re gonna flirt with the Elephant Love Medley at least have fireworks go off when their lips touch, or have your actors centered in the frame, I dunno.

Summer

Mia and Seb are now dating. Hooray. You almost want to root for these kids until you’re immediately confronted with the fact Sebastian doesn’t give Mia the dignity of getting out of his car to pick her up and obnoxiously honks the horn outside of her apartment instead. She finds this charming, though, so they’re well-suited, I guess.

Both Mia and Keith (John Legend), a musician friend of Seb’s, give Seb some shit for being a jazz purist and instead suggest he should compromise his vision and evolve to gain a wider audience. Seb begrudgingly takes a gig in Keith’s new band to make some money while Mia works at writing a screenplay for a one-woman show she’s paying to put on at a small local theater with the hope someone important will see it.

See, this movie can be adorable when it’s catering to the actor’s actual range and making things casual.

While they’re separately working on their careers Mia and Seb’s relationship begins to suffer. Sebastian’s band begins to gain some traction and when Mia attends one of their performances she seems to disregard how absolutely elated Seb is to be on stage and instead looks insecure and strangely threatened by his success.

Fall

Mia is prepping for her big performance while Seb is touring with The Messengers.

How dare she not BCC these people – this is a recipe for a reply-all disaster thread.

Seb comes home to surprise Mia and they get in a fight when Mia tries to play off her feelings of abandonment as concern that Seb is giving up on his dream of opening a jazz club to instead be a successful musician? He bites back at her and tries to blame her for accepting the gig in the first place since she wanted him to have a steady job, and the fight ends when Seb starts acting like the whole movie was set up to be A Star is Born or Funny Girl. The final nail in the coffin is Seb’s choice to stay for a photoshoot with his band instead of attending Mia’s show. When nobody else except Mia’s former roommates and like 10 people show up, she tucks her tail between her legs and runs away to her parent’s house in Boulder City.

But surprise! A casting director was there and loved it! She calls Seb’s phone for some reason, and instead of calling Mia like a normal person to relay the message, he drives to Boulder City to berate her into attending a magical audition where they have no script but will film in Paris for 4 months. If Mia gets the part Seb asserts they should break up so she can focus on her career in Paris, as if Mia is shipping off to war and they’re unable to facetime or fly in planes or something.

The reason I love musicals so much is because of the wonder it inspires in me; the awe of seeing someone at the top of their game belting out a song. Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls, Judy Garland in A Star is Born, shit, even Eddie Redmayne in Les Misérables. They’re stealing the air out of me while I fight back tears. This is Emma Stone’s big moment and I found myself wanting to scroll on my phone because I was so bored. The song is tedious, and it was particularly egregious how Emma screamed, “and that’s why they need us!” because she can’t belt it. The more intimate moments in the movie were sung live (goddamn it Tom Hooper), and man… Emma didn’t need to be hung out to dry like that. This performance wouldn’t make it past auditions in American Idol.

Eddie Redmayne was also not a professionally trained singer before he made Les Mis. You stack him up against a talent like Michael Ball and he’s not going to measure up, but he made me feel something during “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables”. Ella Hunt has more subtle moments of emotion in “I Will Believe” than Eddie does and it still kills me. Just the simple act of closing her eyes to feel the snow on her face in a hopeless moment is enough to get me choked up. Every time Emma makes her eyes wide and cries in this I think of Annie Edison in Community.

Damien Chazelle did not want to hire musical theater veterans because he feared the audience wouldn’t believe it when they randomly started singing, but like… We watched these two fly in an observatory for 4 minutes. There’s a 30 second mannequin challenge during “Someone in the Crowd” while Mia slowly walks around the party. Not to mention the extreme realism of everyone leaving their cars and wandering down what I can only assume is supposed to be the 405 during a traffic jam. Why are you worried about a great vocal performance alienating the audience?! But apparently this tactic has worked successfully on non-musical movie-goers and Emma Stone won an Oscar, so honestly and sincerely, what the fuck do I know?

Winter, 5 years later…

Mia is now a famous actress picking up coffee from the Warner Brothers lot. If that wasn’t a surprise enough, she has a daughter and is MARRIED TO TOM EVERETT SCOTT. Fuckin’ SHADES from That Thing You Do! His cameo was the most exciting thing in the whole movie.

Mama Mia and Tom Everett Scott leave their baby at home to go on a date, and when they run into traffic they divert their plans to visit a random jazz club off the highway exit. Turns out it’s Seb’s club and upon seeing Mia he takes the mood down several notches by playing their love melody on the piano. This causes Mia to dream ballet à la An American in Paris an alternate scenario where Sebastian spent his time supporting Mia’s career instead of his own, and honestly kudos, more films need to end in abstract 20 minute dance pieces.

Seb doesn’t snub Mia at the restaurant, doesn’t take the job with Keith, and is physically there to cheer in a crowded audience as Mia’s play is a resounding success. They go to Paris to film her movie, get married, and have a kid, concluding the fantasy by going on the same date to Seb’s jazz club, but it’s owned by someone else. It’s kinda messed up to be fantasizing about your ex replacing your current husband, eh? Especially Tom Everett Scott. The absolute disrespect.

For all the comparisons of La La Land to Umbrellas of Cherbourg, I think the similarities are purely superficial. The framing of the story, the use of color, the Rochefort stroll through the WB lot, the repeating love theme, Guy’s auto shop in the backdrop of the dream ballet, the fact Mia’s character in the play is named Geneviève… There’s a lot of clues here that Damien Chazelle and the composer, Justin Hurwitz, love Jacques Demy, but I don’t believe the thesis of this film has anything to do with romantic love. When Mia tells Seb she’ll always love him while they were breaking up I was sort of taken aback since I don’t think either of them said it before this moment, nevertheless declared it over and over like Geneviève and Guy did. The only thing Mia loved about Seb was his constant cheerleading of her talent, and that fact was only confirmed later in the dream ballet.

Instead, La La Land’s main message is the self-satisfaction of pursuing true art at the cost of everything. Mia becomes a famous actress but has to leave Seb behind because he has other ambitions. Seb insists he has to open his jazz club in the same building as a famous previous jazz club with an inside-baseball sort of name. He wants to play “pure” jazz like the greats before him. He’s replicating previous musical styles by literally replaying them over and over, constantly references famous musicians, and lauds artifacts of the past while preventing people in the present from altering them. He eventually compromises and opens his club in another location under his own name. This is what La La Land does; it DJ re-re-re-REmixes references to movies and, in some cases, sloppily recreates them. For Keith’s assertion that art needs to evolve otherwise the form will die… I’m not entirely convinced, but I’m also not blind to the fact I’m clearly in the minority.

I’m just tired of directors prioritizing the acting in a movie musical, as if acting is more important because of the medium. Both Ryan and Emma are terrific actors in this, and the most captivating parts of La La Land were the scenes where they were playfully quipping, or fighting, or pushing each other to aim higher with their goals. The director crafted these beautiful scenes for them to dance in and I was so distracted by the execution of the performers that I got completely divested in what was going on.

While I was researching the rehearsal process for this movie (specifically curious if a vocal coach was involved) I ran into a comment of someone frustrated with people bitching about how the movie should have cast big name musical stars like Gene Kelly or Judy Garland when that would have been impossible because this generation has no triple threats. I found this argument incredibly short sighted because there’s a WHOLE FUCKING INDUSTRY filled with triples threats – these “mythical creatures” work in musical theater. The Hollywood Industrial Complex doesn’t churn out 10 Fred and Ginger-esque movies a year because there is a talent drought – the thousands of qualified people that could rise to their level of fame aren’t given the chance because Hollywood isn’t convinced people want to see musicals. …Sometimes I think Broadway doesn’t think people want to see musicals either because how else are you going to justify Hugh Jackman’s casting in The Music Man or the 7000 translations of popular movies into stage musicals (and then sometimes back to movie musicals). But that’s a whole other tangent.

In the last few months look at how they marketed Mean Girls, Wonka, and The Color Purple. Those movies are making money by tricking people into watching a musical because the general public thinks musical numbers are only appropriate for children’s cartoons or performed on stage in a biopic. Hollywood’s previous solution to this problem was to cast big name actors and train the shit out of them to perform and since it worked for Moulin Rogue and Chicago we’ve been burdened with James Corden ever since. (Actually, we might be able to blame Evita for this since Madonna won a Golden Globe, but I won’t let myself because she made her money singing first and that movie is a mess.) When Star Power stopped working they started with the bait and switch, and they’re going to continue with it because it’s working. I wish In the Heights performed better, but that one I think suffered because of Lin-Manuel Miranda overexposure.

You’re probably thinking if it gets people to see a musical, so what if the musical numbers aren’t great? It may be their gateway drug into the genre! And I hear and acknowledge that you’re right. If La La Land can encourage fans to watch Umbrellas of Cherbourg or a Gene Kelly movie it’s a net positive. I know it encouraged me to purchase Anna and the Apocalypse on Blu-ray. But I also posit that the classic musical movies are really fucking good and I don’t know why we have to keep dumbing down the genre to make it more appealing when a good product should speak for itself. I mean, I know why, it’s money, but harrumph to that. We all grew up loving Julie Andrews! WE COULD HAVE MORE PEOPLE LIKE JULIE ANDREWS IF WE STOPPED BEING EMBARRASSED BY THIS FUCKING GENRE.

This is the Kirkland Signature-brand musical. It’s the musical movie we have at home catered to people who do not like musicals. Clearly there is an audience for that, but man, watching La La Land made me feel like Seb listening to jazz get watered down until it becomes unrecognizable. This, right here, is my “old man yells at cloud” moment.

The post #5 La La Land (2016) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#17 The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967)

coll2mitts — Sun, 31 Mar 2024 16:13:14 +0000

If The Umbrellas of Cherbourg is the shot, Les demoiselles de Rochefort (The Young Girls of Rochefort) is the lighthearted chaser. After Umbrellas, Jacques Demy wanted to pivot to musical comedies uncommonly filmed in France and diametrically opposed to his previous film. Umbrellas was sung from start to finish; there was only one song that could barely live free of its source material. It also did not include choreographed dance numbers typical to the genre. Most importantly, it focused on the pain inherent in love. The Young Girls of Rochefort is chock full of joy and seemingly everyone is boogieing down. Even the simple act of walking down the street is met with fanfare. The plot is the fluffiest I’ve encountered, filled with silly misunderstandings and coincidences that are more enjoyable than they are tedious. But as Jacques Demy said himself, the plot doesn’t really matter. It’s all about the vibes.

The film focuses on twin sisters Solange (Françoise Dorléac) and Delphine (Catherine Deneuve). Frustrated with their lack of romantic prospects they put into motion a plan to move to Paris to pursue their dreams to dance, write music, and fall in love. Françoise and Catherine were real-life sisters (although not twins), and the chemistry between the two is off the charts. Their beguiling demeanor has not gone unnoticed by two men they have little interest in – Guillaume (Jacques Riberolles), an art gallery owner that peppers Delphine with marriage proposals she continually rebuffs and Simon Dame (Michel Piccoli), a lonely music store owner that believes Solange will be a great composer.

“We’re just two little girls from Little Rock…”

While Françoise had danced before, this film was Catherine’s first foray into it, diving head first into the deep end of the pool by portraying a ballet instructor. Although Gene Kelly was asked to choreograph the film he turned down the offer in order to stay in the US and spend time with his children. Norman Maen, an English choreographer was hired instead. The sisters spent several weeks in London for rehearsals leading up to filming, with Catherine in 3 months of dance classes before that. She found it difficult to lip sync and dance at the same time. You would never know based on what showed on film in Rochefort, but you see echoes of this insecurity in 8 Femmes later.

A small excitement is added to the girls’ lives when a traveling boat show/faire arrives in Rochefort. Their mother Yvonne (Danielle Darrieux) owns a café in the town square and quickly makes friends with Etienne (George Chakiris) and Bill (Grover Dale), two men who arrive with the troupe. Yvonne trusts them immediately for whatever reason, enough to ask them to pick up her son Bouboo from school. In pursuit of their task they run into Delphine who happened to also be there to pick up her little brother. She quickly decides visiting her art gallery friend is more important than ensuring her little brother’s safety and similarly leaves Bouboo in the care of two strange men that do not stay in one place too long.

You may recognize George Chakiris as the ill-fated Bernardo from West Side Story, but he’s been in the background of a few other films on this list. He steals every scene that he’s in – every other dancer could be spinning plates on sticks while their costumes are on fire and I’d still be fixated on George.

Etienne and Bill aren’t the only attractive young men hanging out in Yvonne’s café – Maxence (Jacques Perrin) is a young soldier and artist who longs to find a very specific woman he dreamed up and painted, as if it wasn’t hard enough to find someone to love without such stringent qualifications. Guillaume hung this painting in his gallery, and when Delphine finally stumbles upon it and notices it looks exactly like her, she realizes that the man she’s been dreaming about actually exists and she needs to go to Paris to find him. How convenient… It’s also bonkers this guy is a regular at her mom’s café and they haven’t encountered each other once.

Solange is similarly hunting for a specific man, except she already knows his name – Andrew Miller, a famous American composer. She convinces her music store owning-friend Simon to write to him on her behalf since they were old schoolmates, but little does she know that in a few minutes she would run straight into him while dragging Bouboo away from two strange carnies sent to school to pick up her brother again.

The way I screamed in surprise when I saw Gene Kelly, you guys. Truly the American who never left Paris. Except this one time, right now, because he’s in Rochefort.

This is like the greatest hits of Gene Kelly, with references to An American in Paris and On The Town. Just look at those sailor suits – they come out of nowhere when every other soldier is wearing little pom-pom hats. The production had to move the entire shooting schedule back two to three weeks to accommodate Gene Kelly and I have never thanked god harder for Microsoft Excel after listening to the explanation how they manually had to change the production board when the timetables needed to be altered.

Like Cinderella, Solange leaves behind her composition as a calling card, and Andy here is immediately enamored with her. She doesn’t think he’s too bad either, and like, I’m pretty sure if I encountered Gene Kelly in the street I would similarly freak out. Solange immediately believes this is a missed connection and she’ll never encounter her foreigner again, so although she is smitten, the meet cute doesn’t deter her from her plans of heading to Paris to find Andy.

Meanwhile, Yvonne’s new friends Etienne and Bill are in a pickle – the two showgirls they brought with them to help sell boat motors dumped their butts for a couple of soldiers with eyes so blue you could swim in them. After encouragement from Yvonne, they approach her daughters as replacements since they are told they’re excellent performers, and they already know how beautiful they are. The girls agree only on the stipulation they can hitch a ride to Paris with the troupe afterward.

One of my favorite things in this movie is all the actors badly pretending to play several instruments. Solange has a great moment where she even gets the sound of a flute to come out of her recorder, which is only more hilarious later when you discover she is also hoarding a flute in this apartment.

It’s the next day and there’s been a murder! A former showgirl was cut up and placed in a wicker basket outside of her house. Everyone is curious about who committed this heinous act and have gathered by the crime scene to gawk at the people hosing the blood off the street. But this hard left turn hasn’t halted fair preparations or Andy trying to track down Simon.

Similar to The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, all the actors (except Danielle Darrieux) were dubbed over with another singer, several of them repeating talents from Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Even Gene Kelly’s vocals were dubbed which surprised me since there’s a vast catalog of movies that definitively prove he can sing. Apparently his singing range wasn’t “good enough” to carry this role so they did it anyway. Some of his dialogue was similarly dubbed even though Gene spoke French fairly well, which was incredibly distracting since the person they hired (and apparently didn’t pay to record the English dub) sounds almost 20 years younger than Gene should. In the cases where dubbing was necessary, George Chakiris and Grover Dale didn’t speak any French going into the film and had to learn their lines phonetically, which apparently amused Catherine when she would hear them practice. Dale was also a last minute replacement for Nino Castelnuovo, who had a schedule conflict for Rochefort. This is why Bill’s backstory is similar to Guy’s character in Umbrellas – it was intended to be an easter egg to Demy’s previous film but turned into a random nod instead.

There is a mythologized English version of this film where the actors lip-synced the songs in English while the dialogue remained in French. Aside from these clips I found on YouTube and footage of the songs being filmed in the anniversary documentary there is very little information about this other than it theoretically didn’t do well in US theaters so they didn’t bother to release it on home video or consider it for restoration it when they restored the original French version in both 1998 and 2011. I’m also curious how much the French dialogue deterred the movie’s success if the intention was to court the ‘I won’t read subtitles’ crowd.

When Andy finally discovers Simon he regales his encounter with a beautiful local composer. Simon finds this entertaining until Andy starts to play Solange’s calling card and Simon vaguely recognizes it. Simon’s wistful confession of his own love for Solange is also super creepy because he doesn’t know he’s kind of her stepdad? Yeah, surprise! Simon is Bouboo’s real father and he doesn’t know it because after telling Simon she was pregnant, Yvonne had a friend tell Simon she married a random rich dude and moved to Mexico because she couldn’t bear to be named Madame Dame. This is why it’s better to date within your age range if you know there’s a kid of yours floating around out there.

Day of the fair arrives and the sister’s students are set to perform. On another stage Delphine and Solange put on their own show to advertise motorcycles, I guess. Their performance goes so well Etienne and Bill proposition them for sex afterward, which neither of them are amused with.

This is very Gentlemen Prefer Blondes coded, down to the costumes.

The next morning it is discovered that the old-man side character, Yvonne’s father’s old buddy Dutrouz, is the mysterious murderer, which is shocking since he doesn’t even know how to properly slice a cake. This strange revelation is blown off pretty quickly because this movie likes to hint at a dark underbelly but doesn’t choose to immerse itself in it. I believe it’s to showcase how love can completely envelope and blind one to the ills of the world around them, but it also might be an example of the kind of thing that happens when love goes wrong. This dude held a grudge for 40 years and one painting of Delphine was enough to remind him of his jilted love and plunge a knife into her.

The girls are running late to meet their carnies to head into Paris. Simon drops by to tell Solange that Andy is waiting for her in his shop, and in the long tradition of passing the responsibility of handling Bouboo on someone else, Solange asks Mr. Dame to go pick him up in return. When Delphine mentions to her mother Solange’s weird older friend with the amusing name was headed to unknownlingy meet his son for the first time, Yvonne bolts from the cafe to meet him and rekindle their romance.

Maxence, although he has not encountered his dream woman, is on cloud nine after his conscription has finally run its course. He heads to the café to wish Yvonne well since he is also planning on leaving Rochefort that afternoon in pursuit of Paris and a career painting strange women that appear in his dreams. After another frustrating miss of a chance encounter between Delphine and Maxence at the café, we begin to believe they’ll never be together.

Conversely, Solange and Andy are delighted to discover they are each other’s random love encounters.

Abandoned by Solange to pursue a life with Gene Kelly, which like, who fucking wouldn’t, Delphine leaves with the weirdly forward carnies. Maxence, hitchhiking on the side of the road for some reason, jumps in one of the carnival cars giving us a little glimmer of hope that he and Delphine got their happy ending after all.

The city of Rochefort has really embraced this film, noting The Young Girls of Rochefort made the area a tourist destination in the subsequent years. In The Young Girls Turn 25, a documentary about the city’s anniversary celebration for Rochefort, several citizens who participated in the film as extras talked about how the filming experience was akin to a 4-month party. The city of Rochefort was chosen because of Colbert Square, giving a centralized location for the majority of the film to take place in. Inspired by the paintings of Raoul Dufy, the buildings around the city that would show up on camera were painted white with their window shutters accented in bright, beautiful colors by the crew. The shooting also brought in a lot of new business – Yvonne’s glass café is still open with a statue of the sisters in their “Chanson de Jumelles” costumes placed out front. Jacques Demy passed away in 1990, and Françoise tragically died in a car accident a few months after this film was released. The city dedicated street names in their memories – Jacques Demy Ave. leads to the famous Pont Transbordeur from the beginning of the film, and Pl. Françoise Dorléac runs outside of the city’s bus station.

The Young Girls of Rochefort continues to impact movie aesthetics today. Just in the past few years Jacques Demy’s films have been name-dropped as direct influences for Past Lives, Barbie and La La Land, which I will unfortunately be watching next on the list while Mr. Demy is still fresh in my mind… God help me. I’m sure it can’t compare to Umbrellas of Cherbourg or Young Girls of Rochefort – these films are escapism at its finest. Jacques Demy himself said he used movies as a way to escape the trauma he experienced as a boy during World War II – a fantasy land to visit after discovering your own is imperfect and full of pain. While Umbrellas operated like time travel, transporting me to a past when I was young and haven’t experienced heartbreak, Rochefort is a world I would like to live in the present. It’s a place where problems are superficial and solvable through song and dance numbers. Where people are one street corner away from meeting their one true love.

The post #17 The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#13 The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964)

coll2mitts — Sat, 30 Mar 2024 17:41:37 +0000

Welcome to Jacques Demy weekend! To celebrate the 4 year anniversary of starting this project, we’re going to cover two more French musicals with a director who loved the medium so intensely he struggled through filming these movies in a country that had no infrastructure to support them at the time. Demy is perfect for the genre, rejecting realism and instead showcasing the character’s heightened emotions by allowing them to sing. In an interview featured in The World of Jacques Demy he defends his predilection to song, “It’s just love that you send out in a certain manner, a way of communicating that I find more interesting if it’s sung. It can be more tender, lavish, violent, aggressive, gentle, whatever. That’s what interests me.” In this particular case, Jacques favorite form of communication dominates the the whole movie, with the story more akin to a tragic opera like Carmen instead of Carmen Jones. That’s right – we’re starting with Les Parapluies de Cherbourg (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg), the more experimental and depressing of the pair of pictures. But at least everyone’s really pretty so we’ll at least have something beautiful to look at while our hearts are being ripped out of our chests.

I joke because Catherine Deneuve stars in this movie, and in every single interview she is ultimately asked how she copes with being the most gorgeous person on the planet, which elicits the awkward responses you would expect. I neglected to realize how massive a star Catherine is in her own country and abroad because Dancer in the Dark was designed to be an absolute mess, and 8 Femmes’ musical numbers were, let’s be honest, a little awkward. Umbrellas, however, is the film that launched her into the public consciousness, showcasing her true range from playful, adoring, and witty to sorrowful, distressed, and conflicted.

Aside from Catherine, the colors in this movie are also stunning, and have only improved in quality over time thanks to the efforts of several restoration teams to return it to those reflected on the original reels. Most articles focus on The Sims-like bright and gaudy wallpapers to showcase the use of color, but I’m going to put my T Lo hat on and discuss how the costumes help in telling the story of the film. It’s incredibly basic and I’m a pretty big idiot when it comes to these things, so don’t worry – we won’t go too deep.

Part 1: The Departure

Umbrellas of Cherbourg tells the love story between Geneviève Emery (Catherine Deneuve), a 17-year-old girl who works at her family owned flower shop, and Guy (Nino Castelnuovo), a 20-year-old car mechanic. They sneak around to avoid Geneviève’s mother (Anne Vernon) since they rightly assume Madame Emery would have objections since her daughter is too young to be in a serious relationship. This is only proven true after Guy guilts Geneviève into confessing since they want to get married, and Madame Emery rolls her eyes at the age gap and tells Geneviève once this dude leaves for his conscription she’s never going to hear from him again.

As if on cue, the next night Guy sorrowfully reveals he’s being shipped off to Algeria. Geneviève is rightfully devastated since two years in her young mind is basically forever. They commiserate over drinks before Guy sneaks Geneviève into his Aunt’s apartment so they can bone.

This scene made me queasy to watch because it hit a little too close to home – being in a relationship where one person loves intensely and the other’s passion dies the further in distance they are away from their partner. The desperation in Catherine’s face, the tone in her dubbed voice, the reiteration of her feelings as the train pulls away from the station leaving her alone on the platform does well in conveying how empty Geneviève feels in Guy’s absence. No matter how silly I think Geneviève is to mourn a man she has only dated for a short time, her pain transports me back to when my heart was young and honestly believed that loving someone was enough to overcome any circumstance. I can ignore the harsh reality of Geneviève’s mother’s perspective and just, for a moment, understand Geneviève’s pain and commiserate with her.

The song Catherine and Nino are lip syncing here, “Je ne pourrai jamais vivre sans toi”, translated as “I Will Wait For You”, is the most recognizable from the movie to English speakers as it’s been covered by artists like Frank Sinatra and Kenny Rogers. Connie Francis’ version was used in this devastating scene from Futurama and oh my god Futurama how fucking dare you. The lip syncing isn’t just a necessity of the filming process – every single vocal performance in this movie was done by a hired musician – Danielle Licari for Geneviève and José Bartel for Guy. Some of the vocalists used in Umbrellas like José, Christiane Legrand, Georges Blaness and Claudine Meunier were also hired for The Young Girls of Rochefort a few years later. The actors collaborated with the singers to ensure the phrasing and inflection of the lines would match what they envisioned their characters would do, which softens my usual why didn’t they just hire actors that can sing? gut reaction. Demy took advantage of everyone’s talents and the melding of the two produced a beautiful product.

“Je ne pourrai jamais vivre sans toi” is an outlier in terms of singular importance – the great majority of the songs aren’t the typical verse/chorus structure and operate more like dialogue than musical numbers, with utilitarian titles such as “Devant le Garage”, “Dans le Magasin de Parapluies”, and “Guy au Café” to describe the scene and not the emotion being presented.

The clothes, however, are much more reflective of Guy and Geneviève’s state of mind and allegiance with each other. Guy is seen exclusively in blue, with accents like brown when he leaves for his conscription as if he’s covered in mud leftover from the rain.

When Geneviève and Guy are in their honeymoon period his accent color is her main color, pink. Geneviève’s dress on their date is especially pointed since it is pinned to her body as a last minute alteration. Guy is physically pricked when touches her, further highlighting the illicit nature of their relationship.

When the young couple are faced with hardships, like when Geneviève fights with her mother over her relationship with Guy and after Guy reveals he is leaving, Geneviève begins to wear his color, blue. The blue scarf specifically she clutches as if she’s trying to absorb Guy into her body.

Part 2: The Absence

After Guy leaves, Geneviève discovers their tryst resulted in a pregnancy. When she reveals this new development to her mother, Madame Emery’s mostly concerned about how other people will react to Geneviève’s situation, specifically Roland Cassard (Marc Michel), an older, wealthy jewelry salesman that helped them with their tax issues in the past. Roland has his own tragic backstory per the Jacques Demy Cinematic Universe, as his character in Lola had an unrequited love with a cabaret dancer who ran away with another man, and Roland’s hoping to get over his heartbreak by marrying Geneviève. Madame Emery has constantly advocated for her daughter to marry Roland which is fairly hilarious since he appears to be in his 30s and she thought Guy was “too old” for her daughter.

Geneviève is pretty annoyed with her mother’s ham-fisted attempts to hook her up with a man her mother talks about so fondly you’d think she’d want to marry him herself. This is especially grating as Geneviève’s resolve starts to crack as she begins to doubt Guy’s commitment to her as his letters become scarce. While her outfits are bright pink with her love early on in his service when she discovers she’s pregnant, they eventually become paler and more muted as time marches on, transitioning to blue the further she is into her pregnancy and the fewer letters she receives from Guy.

Several months after Roland’s initial proposal to Geneviève, she finally reveals to Roland she is pregnant with Guy’s baby. Her inner turmoil about abandoning Guy is printed all over her bright, busy blue dress as Roland assures Geneviève he will raise the child as his own. Geneviève, with her frontal lobe not fully cooked yet, ultimately succumbs to her mother’s pressure and accepts Roland’s proposal, wearing a wedding dress with all the color sucked out of her. Geneviève doesn’t wear anything bright for the rest of the film.

Part 3: The Return

A year later Guy returns from the war only to discover from his dying aunt Elise (Mireille Perrey) and her caregiver Madeleine (Ellen Farner) that Geneviève married someone else without telling him and moved to Paris. He reacts as expected to his girlfriend who swore up and down she would wait for him unknowingly leaving him for another man by getting in a fight with his boss, quitting his job, getting drunk and sleeping with a sex worker who also happened to be named Geneviève.

Upon the death of his aunt, Madeleine decides to leave their apartment as she can’t bear to watch Guy flounder in his grief. Afraid of being alone he pleads with Madeleine to stay and reform him, and she stays because this is literally the only attention Guy has ever paid her before and she’s down bad for him. Guy gets his shit together, opens his own auto shop using the inheritance money from Elise and marries Madeleine after placating her concerns he’s not over Geneviève.

The truth of this statement is dubious since we jump forward several years later and in a final devastating blow to Madeleine, it is revealed Guy named their son François, the baby name Geneviève confessed on their date to Carmen and in letters after she discovered she was pregnant she would name her future child (and ultimately did). Although they’ve both moved on to other people, it appears they still share the same dream of being with each other, giving it life to continue to live on after they are gone.

Guy and Geneviève have one final encounter as Geneviève serendipitously stops at Guy’s auto shop for gas on her way through Cherbourg. She’s cosplaying her mother, wearing a brown fur coat and a black dress as Geneviève mourns the somewhat recent death of her. With Madame Emery gone, Geneviève no longer needs to live up to her expectations, which is perhaps why we can infer she wandered into the city on the chance she may see Guy. Unfortunately for Geneviève, Guy has seemingly moved on and is uninterested in learning about Geneviève’s new life or their child. She pulls away from the station as Guy’s family returns from seeing Santa Claus, his son wearing a raincoat that mimics Geneviève’s juvenile outfit at the beginning of the film. The rain that represented Guy and Geneviève’s love in the beginning is now frozen into snow.

This film does a terrific job at illustrating the fleeting nature of young love. While it may burn brightly at first it flickers out when presented with hardship. Both Guy and Geneviève settled for people who brought them stability instead of passion, and the argument could be made that this is a consequence of maturation instead of circumstance. If Guy had stayed would they have remained happy, or would Geneviève be miserable because of her mother’s constant disapproval of Guy? Or without the money she obtained by marrying Roland? Perhaps so, but being so young made her vulnerable to the influences around her and ultimately she chose the path that would provide her the most options moving forward, no matter how loveless it may be.

As someone with no expectations before watching Umbrellas, I was surprised and somewhat delighted it leaned heavily into the operas it was emulating. With the sea of movies on this list made by directors who are ashamed by the musical format and do whatever it takes to inject realism into a genre that thrives in the fantastical, Demy is a director who understands song (and dance, but I’m getting ahead of myself) is the best way to evoke emotions and tell a realistic love story. The audience can connect with the subject matter because of the songs. If this movie would have been straight dialogue I know I would have rolled my eyes as I’m a grumpy middle-aged lady who knows what a terrible idea it is to marry your high school sweetheart. But seeing Geneviève desperately sing, “Je t’aime, je t’aime, je t’aime…” as Guy’s train leaves kills me. I can’t listen to the theme of this movie without getting teared up. It’s incredibly easy to see why Umbrellas of Cherbourg remains relevant and continues to influence movies made today.

The post #13 The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#22 42nd Street (1933)

coll2mitts — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 19:41:50 +0000

Welcome to 42nd Street, where everyone wants to either be or do Miss Margret Sawyer.

42nd Street is a film adaptation of a novel written by Bradford Ropes. It was later adapted to the stage in 1980 with Law and Order detective and sentient candlestick Jerry Orbac playing director Julian Marsh using a bunch of additional songs by Harry Warren and Al Dubin to round out the production. Just add it to the list of movie to stage musical adaptations.

Jones and Barry, the (apparently) famous producers are funding a new show called “Pretty Lady”, which is objectively the dumbest name! They recruit Julian Marsh (Warner Baxter), a down-on-his-luck director that just lost his entire bag to a little thing called The Great Depression. Even though his doctor warns him he’s precariously being held together with bubblegum and string and a slight shock would crumble him to pieces, his desperation for money overrides his imminent death. Julian is determined to put on the Best Ever Last Show even though the material is crap and directors never get any accolades. After vowing to put “Pretty Lady” on stage come hell or high water, the producers instruct him to cast Dorothy Brock (Bebe Daniels) in the lead role – a famous performer that happens to be diddling her “manager” Abner Dillon (Guy Kibbee), who bankrolled the show in order to secure her contract. Marsh holds auditions to seal the other 40 seats, and we’re introduced to the main players in this game.

Stage Manager Andy Lee is dating Lorraine Fleming (Una Merkel), so she’s an instant in. Her friend Ann Lowell (Ginger Rodgers), disguised with an accent, a monocle, and a tiny dog in order to shed her “Anytime Annie” reputation, is similarly cast due to her relationship with Lorraine.

Peggy Sawyer (Ruby Keeler), a fresh new face to the industry, is nervous for her very first audition and is immediately bullied after the mean girls smell the fear radiating off of her. This leads to an awkward encounter between Peggy and the up-and-coming male lead Billy Lawler (Dick Powell) where she barges into his dressing room while he was in his underwear. Billy, sporting the biggest heart eyes, escorts her to the stage to point out the director. Lorraine and Ann decide to take pity on Peggy and let this skittish woman under their wings. After it has been confirmed by the men in the room that the women have excellent legs, the trio officially gets hired (with a special second endorsement by Billy). After signing the contracts, the rigorous rehearsal process commences.

Much like Ruby’s character Peggy, this was Ruby Keeler’s first film, although she was not a stranger to the stage. She was married to Al Jolson at the time she made this film – they met in Los Angeles when she was asked to help promote The Jazz Singer. She was 19 at the time and he was 42 (although this article in The Reading Eagle said he was 45, which is only a few years younger than Ruby’s father, so that’s neat). To make this even more icky, when asked about his third wife Al said, “Ruby Keeler is an adorable kid. If there is a sweeter child in the world I haven’t met her.” Cool. Cool cool cool. They starred opposite each other in Go Into Your Dance, and as much as I would love to watch that nightmare unfold, I’m just going to assume it’s just as creepy as watching Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby kiss and leave it alone. They were married for about 12 years before she finally divorced him, remarried, and left show business. Can’t imagine why she might not have been able to get a gig after divorcing a titan of the industry… Ahem. Out of the constant spotlight, she started a family, opened a dance studio, and after her husband’s death in 1969 made her return to the stage in a Busby Berkeley “supervised” production of No, No, Nanette.

While she was making pictures Ruby mostly starred opposite of Dick Powell, with several of them also choreographed by Busby Berkeley, which only proves if it works once, Hollywood will beat the concept into the ground until nobody wants to see musical movies anymore. One of her other famous co-stars, James Cagney, later went on to star as Ruby’s first boss George M. Cohan in Yankee Doodle Dandy. She worked on one of Cohan’s shows, The Rise of Rosie O’Reilly, when she was only 13. 42nd Street is less focused on Ruby’s dancing, but instead allows Ruby’s acting to shine – at least the part of her range where she’s encouraging men to take her on dates.

While Billy is battling actual dancer Terry for Peggy’s attention, we discover that is not the only blooming romance behind the scenes. Dotty has a secret lover, her former Vaudeville partner Pat Denning. They have to hide their relationship from Big Abner so as not to jeopardize her starring position in the show, which leads to all kinds of creative ways to sneak around and meet in dark corners.

In one particular instance, Pat is loitering outside the theater hoping to catch Dorothy on her way out the door when instead Peggy is dumped in his lap after she fainted during run-throughs and chucked outside by the crew to get some air. With Miss Brock preoccupied with making her sugar daddy happy, Pat and Peggy go on a date since we need more people fawning over the ingénue. After a series of unfortunate events that starts with Pat getting decked in the face and ends with Peggy getting evicted from her apartment, the two of them wander back to Pat’s bougie nest funded by his secret girlfriend. Although there are a few amorous close calls, they keep their distance from one another and the next morning Pat decides he’d rather start off his career somewhere else instead of forever being forced to live in Dorothy’s shadow. Dot takes the break up in stride since she only had herself to blame for the position they were in, and Pat heads to Philadelphia to strike it out on his own.

The closer “Pretty Lady” approaches its opening date, the more Dottie’s cracks start to show. The first blow was discovering the show would be opening in Philadelphia, the new home of her ex lover, instead of Atlantic City. The second is seeing said ex get into a car with chorus girl Peggy (although Dot’s unaware he’s escorting Peggy to a date with Terry). During the pre-opening night party, Dot gets drunk and tells off Abner making it very clear she doesn’t want to touch his penis anymore. Abner gets pissed and huffs himself off to the Director’s hotel room in an effort to get Dot removed from the show lest he withdraw his 70k worth of capital. Julian talks him down on the promise Dot will apologize for her behavior that night.

Little does he know Dot, in a moment of weakness, called Pat and asked him to come over. Peggy, after blowing off Terry for being too handsy, witnesses Pat walk into Dot’s room with the producers discovering the same thing. She tries to warn Pat shit’s about to go down, but Dot, drunk and in a fit of jealousy, tries to come at Peg and trips and breaks her ankle. Now truly out of the show, Julian is left with a production that opens the next morning without funding and a leading lady.

Anytime Annie, noticing a hole where a sugar baby should be, cozies up to Abner and convinces him to continue to fund the show but with her as the lead. When they present the plan to Julian, Annie comes clean, admitting she doesn’t have star power, but she knows who does… Peggy Sawyer. He agrees to rapid-fire train Peggy since he has no other option, musing, “I’ll either have a live leading lady or a dead chorus girl.” After 5 hours Mr. Marsh deems Peggy “fine” as the show must go on.

Continuing the “Everything Goes Right for Peggy” streak, right before the show Billy admits his feelings for Peggy, and Dot gives her blessing as she bows out of show business and runs away to get married to Pat. With the fate of the entire company behind her, Peggy takes the stage in the first kitschy number, “Shuffle Off to Buffalo”.

I don’t know if “Pretty Lady” is supposed to have a plot, but based on the songs that follow, whatever it is it’s incredibly unclear. Also, super curious how many times they had to film this number because Ginger and Una are mowing down that fruit like they’re Harry Belafonte in Carmen Jones.

Billy also gets to demonstrate his singing chops with his solo number “Young and Healthy” while the camera covertly reveals the reason why the casting directors were so concerned about the look of the dancers legs.

I’m getting secondhand nausea for these dancers. Choreographed by Busby Berkeley, you can see his military aesthetic with the marching band-like formations, all on a moving stage (again, stomach clenching). Instead of the traditional filming from the front of this stage, this was clearly catered for the camera, with several overhead shots where the dancers contort their bodies to make rotating patterns almost like a kaleidoscope. He also fancied synchronized snake-like arm movements that I’m convinced were intended to hypnotize the audience or maybe just freak them out. I feel like his numbers would either be fascinating or a nightmare to watch on psychedelics.

This was a signature of Mr. Berkeley, and even if you don’t recognize his name, you’ll recognize his work as the prime example of Pre-Code Hollywood musicals. Even a scene from Footlight Parade was included in “The Great Movie Ride” at Disney’s Hollywood Studios (before it was replaced by some Mickey & Minnie thing because every ride needs to be part of Disney’s vertical integration initiative, but I digress). From The Muppets to Campbells and Burger King, inspiration from Busby’s work can be seen in the strangest places even today. By all accounts his personal life was a mess and while working the dancers struggled to live up to his vision because it was expensive and uncompromisable. But he did get results, however odd they may be.

Man, Ruby Keeler can dance. I think I sort of forgot that she was supposed to until this moment since we’ve only seen snippets of it up until now.

Julian, with a new success on his hands, gets the slap in the face he expected as the audience leaves the theater. He overhears their conversations about how great Peggy is and how the director shouldn’t get stolen-credit for her excellence. That’s showbusiness, kids.

While 42nd Street‘s movie adaptation is a bit fluffy (in contrast with the drama that existed in the book), I found myself entirely engrossed. The writing is spot on and sometimes scandalous, eliciting a surprised laugh from me several times. Una and Ginger are the best tag-team duo of quippy queens and I, just like Peggy, strive to be their friend.

The singing and dancing is reserved for the stage as is expected for early backstage musicals, but Ruby, Bebe, and Dick pull out their best performances. Ruby specifically can tap the pants off of anybody, and I was glad this film gave me the excuse to dig into her other works and see what she’s really capable of. Ruby looks like she’s having the best time ever, and when the performers are effortlessly selling it, it’s hard not to get sucked in.

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#12 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

coll2mitts — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 05:05:51 +0000

Merry Christmas! I had to get a little creative since I’d blown through the explicitly Christmas movies on this list back in 2021.

A few years ago Leena Norms released a Non-Christmas Christmas movies video which highlight movies that are not set during Christmastime, but give you that same cozy feeling when you watch them. I came up with my own list and lo and behold amongst the three Hugh Grant movies sits one excellent musical:

Where the Heart Is
About a Boy
Sense and Sensibility
Pride and Prejudice
Music and Lyrics
Under the Tuscan Sun
Moonstruck
Waitress
Pitch Perfect
Gentleman Prefer Blondes

I’m a child of the 90s; I don’t have to defend why Mr. Grant’s awkward blinking is comforting to me.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a yearly Non-Holiday Christmas staple in my household. It’s fashionable, uncomplicated, catchy, and hilarious. I first sought out this movie somewhere around my 50th time of watching Moulin Rouge and I was overwhelmed with the instant love I felt for Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe. They’re both incredibly funny, with Jane’s quick wit and biting comebacks and Marilyn’s smooth talking manipulation. And oh my god, not to beat a dead horse, but I couldn’t help but notice they’re absolutely gorgeous. If it weren’t for Ernie Malone being the dumbest person for Dorothy Shaw to fall for, this film would be perfect. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Fair warning that every single song is a certified banger. It’s no wonder – Jule Styne, who wrote the music for the original musical, also worked on Funny Girl. Hoagy Carmichael and Harold Adamson, the two who wrote the movie-originals, “Ain’t There Anyone Here for Love” and “When Love Goes Wrong (Nothin’ Goes Right)” similarly had prolific writing careers. You will be humming these tunes in your head for days, sorry not sorry.

Meet Dorothy Shaw (Jane Russell) and Lorelei Lee (Marilyn Monroe), two stage performers the studio executives didn’t dare try to pass off as sisters. Each are guided by one thing – Lorelei is trying to marry her way into security and Dorothy just wants to get laid a lot. Big mood.

Their mid-tier notoriety has allowed Lorelei to attract a wealthy beau, the precious Gus Esmond Jr. (Tommy Noonan). His father, who bankrolls his behavior, doesn’t approve of the match, which is why Lorelei has concocted a plan – They will set sail on a boat to Paris and get married in Europe, far away from his father’s influence. If Gus gets cold feet about the marriage and bails last minute, Lorelei and Dorothy will disembark regardless, only to return to the states when Gus comes to his senses and makes a commitment that matches the massive piece of ice on her finger.

As Lorelei predicted, her and Dorothy are soon escorted on the boat to Europe, France for their non-romantic voyage. Gus has funded this entire endeavor of course and is counting on Dorothy to wrangle Lorelei and prevent her from getting in trouble. Dorothy takes her responsibilities to Lorelei incredibly seriously, but immediately befriends the entire USA Olympic team to entertain herself.

It takes everything within Gus to leave Lorelei on that boat, bribing her with gifts while pleading for her to be a good sport. She responds by placating his anxieties, “Daddy! Sometimes I think there’s only one of you in the whole wide world!” This only proves that Marilyn was the only person who is allowed to say “Daddy” without us all collectively cringing.

I would absolutely lose my mind if Marilyn looked at me like that. The syrup in her voice kills me.

Marilyn had an acting coach, Natascha Lytess, that annoyed the director Howard Hawks because Marilyn constantly deferred to Lytess instead of him. It got to the point where he booted Lytess from set because clearly Marilyn didn’t need the coach since she had perfectly crafted her image and executes on it flawlessly. Lytess eventually returned after a one-week hiatus after Hawks determined it wasn’t worth the fight and humored Marilyn by letting her do extra takes without telling her there wasn’t film in the camera.

The second the boat leaves port, Lorelei gets right to work trying to find a “suitable escort” for her friend by casing the passenger list for those who are most likely loaded. Dorothy scoffs noting, “I like a man who can run faster than I can,” before Lorelei scolds her for not considering she may be destitute in the future if she settles for a man who is pretty and nothing else. Dorothy takes this advice to heart by wandering over to the gym to ogle the athletes in their swimsuits.

Is Dorothy really here for love? Because that boner in her pants really suggests she’s only here for a good time.

It actually was an accident that Jane was pushed into the pool by a low-flying dancer, but they left the mistake in the movie because it played so well. Neither Jane nor Marilyn had danced on film before Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Jack Cole (assisted by Gwen Verdon) was hired as the choreographer, and Jane reveals that while Mr. Cole was slightly terrifying to work for if you were a professional dancer (I can’t imagine the conversation that happened with that man after dunking Jane), Jack had enough patience to teach Jane and Marilyn how to dance. Furthermore, Jack took the lead in directing the musical numbers since Hawks realized his lack of experience in musical theater would hinder the film. This is most likely why they’re so flippin’ good, because if we’ve learned anything from Gene Kelly, choreographers tend to frame musical numbers in a way that features the talents of the performers.

While everything seems fine and dandy on the SS FindA~~Rich~~Man, there is a fella on board hell-bent on exposing Lorelei for the gold-digging hussy that she is. Ernie Malone (Elliott Reid) is a private investigator hired by Mr. Esmond’s father and is tasked with providing hard evidence that Lorelei is fucking around on Gus. Since Dorothy and Lorelei are easily the most attractive people on board Malone finds them immediately and even overhears Lorelei making grand plans of ensnaring the heir of a whole state – a large one, like Pennsylvania or something – but misunderstanding this task is for the benefit of Dorothy. His opinion of Lorelei is further tarnished after eavesdropping on her blackmail-adjacent conversation with the head waiter to get said state-heir Henry Spofford III seated at their dinner table.

Malone, figuring it would be easier and less conspicuous to move in on the obviously single Dorothy to gather information, makes a pass at her by pretending to be rich. When Dorothy sends him a look that would melt the flesh of his bones he changes his strategy by suggesting that someone told him that Dorothy was interested in men with stuffed pockets and instead it must have been Lorelei they were talking about. Dorothy concedes, especially after Malone witnesses Lorelei making fast friends with Sir Frances Beekman, affectionately referred to as “Piggy”. He’s an elderly man who owns a diamond mine in South Africa, so clearly he’s a morally great dude who certainly doesn’t deserve to be robbed blind by Lorelei. It isn’t until Lady Beekman, wearing more jewels than a magpie can horde, reveals she owns a diamond tiara that Lorelei officially makes her mark.

Later that night with their sights set on glory, the girls arrive at their very expensive dinner table while attracting absolutely no attention at all in their hideous gowns.

While we all know Marilyn as a sex symbol, Jane Russell also was pigeon-holed into “the girl” roles as well. Discovered by Howard Hughes, Jane was never able to escape how he marketed her. Even well into her 80s, Jane was asked by interviewers about her large breasts and the “special bra” Hughes designed for her to wear while shooting The Outlaw to hide her corseting (that she subsequently threw under her bed and he never noticed). She’s also inevitably asked about her and Hughes “romantic” relationship because much like Ann-Margret with Elvis and Rita Moreno with Marlon Brando, a woman can’t just talk about her career without some dumb dude taking part of the spotlight away from her. Similarly, Jane would always be asked about her and Marilyn’s friendship with questions about how she acted on set, if she committed suicide, if she would have survived if she had a better support system… it’s pretty disgusting, really. While the public is neverendingly fascinated by the circumstances of Marilyn’s death, her persona and likeness was continually marketed after she died, picking her body apart like a vulture and selling each of her belongings to anybody who wanted to own a piece of her (including proximity to her literal corpse which is so violating and gross it makes me physically ill to think about). Both of these women, while beautiful, were also incredibly talented, and it’s disheartening that their careers are remembered either by their scandals, their fate, or their cup size.

Once seated, Dorothy is amused that Malone is conveniently placed at their table, incorrectly assuming he’s there for her and not her friend. The dinner continues to devolve in Malone’s favor after it’s revealed that Dorothy’s blind date, Mr. Henry Spofford the Third, is barely older than a toddler.

“How am I doin’?”

Newly distracted by a diamond tiara and resigned to the fact her thinly-veiled plan to make Dorothy Mrs. Pennsylvania was a bust (If he were 16 or 17 you could marry him in Tennessee), Lorelei leaves Dorothy to get closer to Mr. Malone. Every and all attempts Malone makes to bash Lorelei to his new pseudo-girlfriend are quickly and thoroughly rebuffed because Dorothy is a good friend, but not good enough not to make out with Ernie’s face when the opportunity presents itself.

Dorothy’s romance with Mr. PI is short lived, however, when she catches Malone conspicuously taking pictures of Lorelei and Piggy through the porthole of their state room. Instead of decking the dude on site, Dorothy immediately confides in Lorelei they have been duped. When Lorelei’s first attempt at stealing the pictures by breaking into Malone’s room (and subsequently getting stuck in a porthole trying to escape it) doesn’t prove to be fruitful, they hatch a scheme to steal the film from Malone’s pants by getting him incredibly drunk and drugged up on sleeping pills.

Once developed, Lorelei innocently uses the photos as leverage with Piggy to gift her Lady Beekman’s tiara. After obtaining the goods Lorelei and Dorothy are confronted by Malone, now armed with a tape recorder, who comes clean about his scheme and his intentions to ruin Lorelei. Unfortunately he also reveals to Dorothy that he is, in fact, in love with her. Barf emoji.

Once docked in France, Dorothy and Lorelei use Mr. Esmond’s line of credit to go on a shopping spree. When they arrive at the hotel they encounter Lady Beekman, an insurance agent, and Mr. Malone. Mrs. Beekman is under the impression Lorelei stole her tiara since Mr. Beekman is a coward who lied about the gift and absconded to Africa to avoid the inevitable fight with his wife. Lorelei refuses to return the tiara on principle, which gets her and Dorothy kicked out of the hotel. Adding salt to the wound, Mr. Malone also reveals Mr. Esmond has cut off Lorelei’s financial support leaving her out on the street. He then tells Dorothy what hotel he’s staying at because he’s a horrible person who seems to be on a personal mission to separate her from her loyal best friend.

Instead of rolling over and admitting defeat, the girls quickly get a gig at a local bar. As if on cue, Gus travels by airplane to reunite with Lorelei, only to get the cold shoulder in return. While money is important, trust is more valuable to Lorelei. Mr. Esmond has only revealed himself to be like any other man in Lorelei’s life – showering her in gifts when times are good, but the second things get hard, they sell her out or drop her flat.

This scene is by far the most famous in the movie, if not the most famous of Marilyn’s career. Countless musical artists, movies, and even playmates have referenced “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” with varying levels of media literacy about what its ultimate message is. Most of the time it is used as shorthand for love of materialism, but in this context it is Lorelei’s way of getting under Mr. Esmond’s skin. If this is all you think I am, this is all I will be to you.

I love Marilyn’s distinctive vibrato (beautifully showcased in “Bye, Bye Baby”), but she was not the only one to sing on this song. Howard Hawks credited Gloria Wood for the more operatic parts in the beginning, and the ghost singer to end all ghost singers Marni Nixon has also claimed she dubbed over some of the lines. I honestly don’t even mind – the majority of what you’re getting is Monroe herself with the others giving her a boost where it went a little beyond her skills.

Also according to Hawks’ biography “The Grey Fox of Hollywood”, the test run of this number Mr. Cole staged was with Marilyn “wearing nothing but diamonds with a little horse’s tail coming out of her ass with a little diamond horsefly on the tail”, which like… I’m sure this is somebody’s fetish, but how the fuck does that fit in this movie? Could you imagine if they would have asked Carol Channing to do that??

ANYWAY, after Lorelei finishes the number, the cops show up to arrest her and take back the tiara. She quickly discovers it has been stolen out of her room leaving her with only one option – getting Mr. Esmond to pony up the funds and get her out of a jam. The end of The Saga of the Tiara is pretty convoluted, but here’s the short of it:

Dorothy poses as Lorelei and gets arrested by the cops to give Lorelei some time to wrangle 15k dollars
Malone meets up with Mr. Esmond Senior at the airport as he’s travelled there to fish his son out of a French nightclub
Malone also bumps into Piggy at the airport, giving the game away that he is not, in fact, in Africa, while also pretty much admitting he’s the one who ratted out Lorelei
Malone and Mr. Esmond Sr. head to the courthouse to watch Lorelei get stomped on, only to be confronted with Dorothy in a wig

Malone decides not to expose Dorothy because she admits she loves him and resigns from working with Mr. Esmond Sr. while relinquishing his salary
When Dorothy/Lorelei tells the judge the tiara has been stolen Malone knows where it is and hauls Piggy to court to play hot potato with the headpiece
With the tiara “returned” to Piggy, the girls are off the hook.

After Lorelei is informed everything has been resolved she tells Gus to take a hike. Instead of accepting Lorelei’s rejection, Gus confronts his father and goes to bat for their relationship. Lorelei, finally getting some reassurance from Gus, convinces Daddy to let her marry Sonny for his money.

Of course, this film made in the 1950s ends with a double marriage – Dorothy to Ernie and Lorelei to Gus – proving that wedding rings really are a girl’s best friend. Whomp whomp.

Lorelei and Gus seem like a good match. He loves doting on her and she loves feeling appreciated. His timid disposition is partially what attracted Lorelei to him, but his willingness to fight for her and prove he won’t be a complete jellyfish when it comes to important matters really sealed the deal in her eyes. Ernie and Dorothy, however… what is the appeal? I feel like she settled for another useless pretty boy. He lied to her the majority of the time they were together in order to make money off her friend’s personal business. While he began to earn some good faith by resolving the problem he took part in creating, he seems quick to judge and has proven he can’t be trusted. How exhausting will it be for Dorothy to live with a man who never has anything nice to say about the people she loves? I give it a year. Dorothy’s animal magnetism cannot be tamed.

I am absolutely smitten with Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It’s fluffy without being frivolous, good-natured, entertaining, and fun as hell. I giggle incessantly at every Dorothy comeback and every statement Lorelei makes with sincere severity. Not to give the game away too early, but it is going to be incredibly hard to top this movie on my own Best Movie Musicals of All Time list.

The post #12 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#25 The Court Jester (1956)

coll2mitts — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 16:28:52 +0000

Happy Halloween! I ran out of creepy musicals, so we’re going to instead recap one where Danny Kaye wears a ridiculous looking costume.

Seriously, it looks like he lost a bet.

The Court Jester is a star-studded film that is only a musical by definition because Danny Kaye occasionally sings. It is the most fast-paced, disorienting, silly movie I have ever watched, and I enjoyed every absurd minute of it.

The movie begins with Danny prancing around during the title sequence to hype up the fairy tale they’ll be reenacting over the next hour and thirty minutes while also assuring the audience actually read the credit sequence. Which, y’know, whatever you gotta do.

Once Upon a Time, King Roderick the Tyrant, a jolly, smiley old man who massacred an entire family to take the throne, is heading home with a bunch of his homicidal friends. One of his knights is unceremoniously murdered by an arrow with a note tied to it, because I’m guessing a pigeon wasn’t available. The Black Fox (think Robin Hood, but way less charismatic), the King’s nemesis, sends a (literal) message to warn King Roderick his days are numbered – There is a rightful heir to the throne, and he’s an infant that has a distinctive flower on his butt!

This has King Roderick shaking in his perfectly aligned tight seams and the group books it back to the safety of the castle leaving the poor unmoving knight on the side of the road. His advisor, Sir Ravenhurst (Basil Rathbone), assures the king this news is nonsense, but the rest of his council (Brockhurst, Finsdale, and Pertwee) suggest the King should form an alliance with Sir Griswold – an alpha male from a neighboring kingdom that is so big and strong he’d send The Black Fox packing. Sir Ravenhurst disagrees, which sends these petty and dramatic queens into a slapping fight which is only quelled when someone suggests they marry off Princess Gwendolyn (my love Angela Lansbury) to Griswold cause she’s got nothing currently on her calendar. Gwendolyn reacts to this news by threatening to jump off the building since she is also a petty and dramatic queen. Her behavior is blamed on her handmaiden Griselda, cause there’s absolutely no other reason why Gwendolyn would want to marry for love.

Meanwhile, the band of The Black Fox are out in the forest having a grand ‘ol time with their in-house entertainment!

They’ve really gotta work on rebranding cause at first glance I thought they were wearing Nazi armbands.

Hubert Hawkins (Danny Kaye), while a jester by trade, wants to contribute more than singing and dancing to the cause. He’s even recruited an entire troupe of little people from the local carnival to free up some of his time to swashbuckle with the rest of them. The Black Fox instead puts him on babysitting duty with a Tarzan swinging Mrs. Banks, which apparently includes flashing the kid’s bottom to anybody who wants to pledge loyalty to a royal.

After discovering there’s a snitch in the castle, the stunningly beautiful Captain Jean (Glynis Johns) and Hubert, in order to keep the baby with the purple pimpernel buttmark concealed, dress in disguise to traffic the child in a wine barrel to an Abbey. Hawkins’ old man shenanigans frustrate the King’s knights enough that they don’t suspect the pair are involved with The Black Fox and let them continue on their journey.

They take shelter in a dilapidated shack for the night and The Captain’s ovaries explode watching Hubert sing the child to sleep with his buttery voice.

And, oh no! There’s only one pile of hay they have to share! Maid Jean keeps her cool by telling Hawkins beta males can attract even strong men like her, and Hawkins replies her she’d make a pretty good girl before planting a kiss on her. Jean tries to steer the conversation back to their mission, but Hawkins, seeing now he has a chance, can’t take his lips off of her.

“I wonder if she’s thinking about other guys…”
“There’s a secret tunnel under the castle that leads to the King’s chambers!”

But wouldn’t you know, at that very moment, the King’s future court jester Giacomo wanders into the shack looking for shelter. He just happens to be the type of person who would have access to the King and be able to grab the key to the secret tunnel. Instead of recruiting him into the cause, Jean brains Giacomo and asks Hawkins to take his place since he has all that convenient carnival experience.

Back at the castle The King is still struggling because Gwennie doesn’t want to marry the Grim, Grizzly, Gruesome Grossy McGrosserson Griswold! Even though he has an unwilling bride-to-be, the King figures if he can distract Griswold with bitches there’s a greater chance he’ll comply, sending his knights out to grab a cartful of them. Ravenhurst also suggests their new jester might be able to provide some levity, which the king agrees to without knowing that Ravenhurst, in addition to being petty and dramatic, is also a scheming queen and The Original Giacomo was hired because he was a secret skilled assassin!

Unfortunately for Jean, the King’s quest for hoes intercepts her baby-concealing wine cart on the way to the abbey and she is dragged to the castle ahead of a bumbling Hawkins. She rendezvous with The Black Fox’s inside guy Fergus and asks him to take the surprisingly mute baby to the Jester’s quarters in anticipation for Hawkins’ arrival. She then steals the key from the King’s quarters herself since she has to do fucking everything.

Hawkins/Giacomo arrives a few moments later to the delight of Ravenhurst and Griselda – the former because he wants Giacomo to go on a murderous rampage, and the latter because she convinced Gwendolyn the dude with the pointy shoes is her One True Love in order to weasel her way out of a Gwendolyn’s pre-wedding murder-suicide pact.

Hawkins tries to determine which person is an ally by spitting in everyone’s faces and unfortunately determines Ravenhurst is his man cause Hubert is dumb as rocks and Ravenhurst keeps giving him the “you’re gonna murder the King’s council for me” eyebrows.

The King asks “Giacomo” to choose the best wench for him since he assumes this man wearing the biggest feather I’ve ever seen in a hat is a massive slut who would be able to tell which bitch was quality. He’s quickly intercepted by Griselda who, in a quest to save her own skin, hypnotizes him into wanting to fuck Gwendolyn. Fergus witnesses this and is rightfully disgusted.

Jean, barefoot and key laden, stumbles upon Hawkins on his way to get his dick wet and since he has a singular focus, Hawkins pimps Jean out to the King. Excited to be dining with such a beautiful woman, the King ignores the fact it’s usually not a good sign if the guards have to physically restrain your date.

Arriving at the Princess’s chambers, “Giacomo” lays on the charm hard, telling her they’ll run away together. The Princess takes the key to the secret tunnel under the assumption they will meet and flee in the dead of night. The King uses this exact moment to check in on his daughter, immediately uncovers her plan to leave and steals the key back making the last 10 minutes useless. After a brief side-quest where “Giacomo” agrees to murder the council for Ravenhurst, Griselda removes the love spell and erases Hawkins’ memory for funsies and to further complicate the plot.

After getting all dolled up, Jean is escorted to the King on the way to dinner only to find out that left unsupervised, Hawkins got himself in a shitload of trouble and also returned the key to the King. He is, however, able to perform well enough to distract the King from the baby in a basket.

Things are further derailed after Griselda poisons the King’s entire council during a toast and somehow nobody cares about this except Ravenhurst who thinks that “Giacomo” did it. This doesn’t prevent the wedding of her lady to Griswold, however, since Gwendolyn outs her love for “Giacomo” the second Griswold walks through the door. Griswold decides to win Gwen’s hand through TRIAL BY COMBAT, which means “Giacomo” needs to be declared a knight to participate.

Ravenhurst, pleased with how his plan is progressing, praises the man who hired Giacomo, who instead blindsides him with, “My guy, this development is cool and all, but I’ve never seen that dude in my life.” They assume Hawkins is The Black Fox for whatever reason, and instead of ratting him out to the king, they advocate for expediting the jester’s knighthood so he will be forced to kill Griswold. The knights go out of their way to rig the tests so THE CANDIDATE PASSES, damning Hawkins to most certainly die by Griswold’s blade.

Tasked with keeping the mission afloat, Captain Jean attempts to seduce the king to once again steal the key. She succeeds in both turning him on, and then turning him off by regaling the plague that unfortunately killed her family, and like, imagine being scared of catching a contagious virus. Just take some horse dewormer, King, you’ll be fine. Jean gets the key and hands it off to Fergus to be sent by bird to the legitimate Black Fox, proving you don’t need to send messages by murder.

Hawkins’ fears are inching closer and closer to reality as he is incredibly enthusiastically knighted by ceremony. Griswold immediately challenges him to TRIAL BY COMBAT and Hawkins accepts under the assumption The Black Fox will come soon and take his place in battle.

Those quickly shuffling men that resemble a marching band on steroids are The American Legion Zouaves Post no. 29 from Jackson, Michigan. Formed in 1898 as an exercise group, the drill team were famous for moving at 300 steps per minute and being able to launch all 18 of them over a 12 foot wall in 22 seconds. When Hollywood came calling, they initially thought it was a joke until they heard they were scouted based on one of their 5 performances on the Ed Sullivan Show. A group of 200 people saw them off on their flight to film in California while carrying a key to the city to be delivered to Danny Kaye. Their favorite person to talk to on set was Angela Lansbury, which is the most believable thing in the world to hear. Basil Rathbone attempted to learn the steps but apparently was not very successful since it’s just as hard as it looks.

Steering back from that tangent, the morning of the big fight arrives and The Black Fox is nowhere to be seen as the secret passage is partially collapsed only leaving room for someone the size of a small child and if only The Black Fox knew of several small child-sized men who could navigate their way through the tunnel and start a diversion… The Black Fox, instead of saving Hawkins’ life, decides to change the plan by recruiting Hawkins’ acrobat friends (which he could have done at the beginning of this movie) and use them as a distraction to gain access to the castle.

Hung out to dry, Hawkins once again finds an ally in Griselda, whose neck is once again on the line as Gwendolyn declares if Giacomo is killed Griselda will be next. Griselda only knows of one way to kill a man, however, and poisons one of the cups that will be used for the pregame toast, as if pregame toasts were a thing. Problem is, Hawkins is having issues trying to remember which chalice’s contents won’t make him foam at the mouth and limply fall over.

RED LEATHER YELLOW LEATHER RED LEATHER YELLOW LEATHER UNIQUE NEW YORK UNIQUE NEW YORK

But right before the joust Hawkin’s armor is struck by lightning which magnetizes it and oh my god I think whoever wrote this movie was on cocaine what is even happening. Danny Kaye changes out of his disco tunic and belt-I-swore-they-sold-at-Hot-Topic-in-2003 combo and dons his electrified armor to face his destiny. After the toast goes absolutely nowhere since Griswold gets word of the poison, they begin to battle and Griswold immediately knocks Hawkins’ block off.

BUT THROUGH THE POWER OF A LITERAL ACT OF GOD Griswold’s mace gets stuck to Hawkins’ shield and he falls off his horse in defeat. Hawkins spares Griswold’s life and is promised Gwendolyn’s hand in marriage after The King’s mealy mouthed apology about trying to get him killed and shit. This is a short lived victory as Hawkins is quickly outed by Ravenhurst as The Black Fox and Captain Jean as his accomplice. Poor Fergus was caught and tortured to reveal the heir apparent is hiding in the castle somewhere and Ravenhurst isn’t about to take his chances at The Black Fox snatching the title of son-in-law.

Captain Jean and Hawkins are summoned before the court with Hubert sporting a surprising amount of chest hair for a prisoner. It’s at that moment dozens of acrobats descend on the knights, launching their hilariously mannequin-esque bodies via catapult into the sea.

While The Black Fox and his men overthrow the castle, Hawkins confronts Ravenhurst mono e mono to mixed results. It isn’t until Griselda Space-Jam-waters him into having confidence that Hawkins is able to corner Ravenhurst for a small moment to show off his wonderful dissection skills.

Hawkins eventually is able to scream and flail around long enough for the acrobats to launch a Ravenhurst-dressed rag doll into the sea, only to then be confronted by Griswold who wants to take down the traitors. The holy infant is then lowered from the ceiling so Hawkins can once again show off its ass revealing the baby as the true heir. The king is overthrown, Hawkins ends up with Jean, Gwendolyn magically likes Griswold for absolutely no reason, and a literal infant with no capabilities of ruling takes the throne. All hail the holy bloodline.

THE END.

This movie is a plot-heavy non-stop frantic fever dream that is also incredibly charming and funny. While I’m not completely sold on Danny Kaye and Glynis Johns’ romantic connection, they play off each other incredibly well.

The whole cast sells the story in all its grand, melodramatic farce. Angela Lansbury, who is disorienting to see with long hair, cracked me up every time she threated to hurl herself off of a turret or murder a maid in order to get her way. Glynis really is our true hero, constantly running around keeping the motley crew on track, even if they didn’t let her wear shoes the entire movie. Danny Kaye’s facial expressions alone would have been worth more than the price of admission. I’ve watched this 4 times now and I find something new to giggle at during each repeat.

If you’re looking for an evening full of brainless slapstick, The Court Jester more than fits the bill. Let the man in the ostentatious outfit entertain you – it’s his job.

The post #25 The Court Jester (1956) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#32 Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

coll2mitts — Tue, 04 Jul 2023 22:27:00 +0000

Happy Independence Day! Sit back and watch The Man Who Owned Broadway hold FDR hostage for two hours while he divulges his entire life story because Mr. Roosevelt has nothing else important to focus his time on in the 1940s.

The good ‘ol US of A has a very complicated history, and continues to make baffling policy decisions (to put it lightly). There is no lack of amount of dissenting opinions or criticisms proudly proclaimed against our country, and waving an American flag is a great indicator someone may be a bigoted right-wing nut job. But back in 1942, when this film was released, we were at the height of pro-American propaganda. There was no lack of Government made pieces of media, but Hollywood chipped in with Casablanca, This is the Army, The Great Dictator, Buck Private… Shit, the fucking Looney Tunes were making fun of Hitler. We continue to make films about America’s Great War, because even though we killed over 100k Japanese civilians by bombing the shit out of them, entering the war is probably the last time anyone would admit America was “morally justified” in involving themselves in foreign conflicts.

When we entered Vietnam, and with our country’s atrocities now being filmed and broadcast across the world, positive public opinion started to plummet, never recovering to those WW2 levels. Even attempts at a pro-Vietnam war propaganda, like John Wayne’s The Green Berets, didn’t produce the patriotic fervor the United States government wanted. Right after 9/11 it came closer than it ever had, because there’s nothing like a terrorist attack on domestic soil to persuade citizens of a country to give up their basic rights to privacy and wear mass produced t-shirts made in overseas sweat shops proclaiming “Our Colors Don’t Run”. With the now 24-hour news media cycle and the amplification of all kinds of varying opinions, even during the Bush administration we could hear vocal outcry to their several war crimes. Sure, we’ll still have American Sniper, but nothing will ever come off as sincere and rousing as a bunch of mannequins waving an American flag back and forth on a Broadway stage.

Because boy howdy, this is excellently made propaganda. Yankee Doodle Dandy is a fictionalized retelling of real-life actor/dancer/singer/composer/producer George M. Cohan, an Irish-American who grew up on the stage with his family by his side. The film is a squishy-timeline’d recounting of his rise to fame and wealth based on his talent and drive to succeed. And the in the most American origin story of all, its genesis may have been a result of its lead actor’s desire to prove he wasn’t a commie.

George M. Cohan is played by James Cagney, typically known for his roles in gangster movies even though he loved to sing and dance (I am convinced Hugh Jackman is trying to mimic his career). The real life Mr. Cohan was annoyed by Cagney’s initial casting because he thought he was too pretty, leaning more toward someone like Fred Astaire, who is as goofy as he is good looking. Mr. Cohan was overruled, however, and by the time he viewed the film shortly before his death, he confessed he was a fool for his protests. James Cagney is lovely in this – he’s charismatic and funny, improvising many of the bits that had me laughing out loud. He also worked with Mr. Cohan on this movie, and the script went through a lot of rewrites based on his feedback.

We open the movie on an older George M. Cohan performing on stage as FDR in a musical titled “I’d Rather Be Right”. On opening night, after making out with his wife backstage in front of everybody, he receives a telegram from the White House from what George assumes is an annoyed Mr. Roosevelt. Only then does Mr. Cohan question whether or not its appropriate to impersonate a sitting president during an active war as he tucks his tail between his legs and takes the train to Washington.

Upon being greeted by a valet that remembers George’s first visit to the grounds 30 years ago, we’re treated to the mental image of that racist fucking asshole Teddy Roosevelt getting so jazzed up by Mr. Cohan’s rendition of “You’re a Grand Old Flag” that he would gleefully sing it in the bathtub. George is brought up to President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s office where a very well-meaning actor gives a faceless performance that will later be dubbed over in post. The president praises Mr. Cohan’s patriotism, declaring, “That’s one thing I’ve always admired about you Irish-Americans. You carry your love of country like a flag, right out in the open.”

George informs the president that he inherited his nationalism from his father, who ran away to proudly fight in the civil war. Not to shit on my entire people, but I find it hard to believe that Irish-Americans were passionate about abolishing slavery for all people back in the 1860s. Mr. Cohan then takes this opportunity to kick-off the framing device by relaying his entire life story to a sitting president who clearly has nothing else to do.

Picture it: Providence, Rhode Island, 1878. It’s the Forth of July, and Jerry Cohan, dressed like a leprechaun and sporting the worst Irish accent that I’ve heard since I’ve tried to do one myself, is rushing off the stage and back to the house to meet his newborn son George Washington Michael Cohan. With a baby sister, Josie (played by Cagney’s real-life sister Jeanne), born several years later, the kids join the family business and the entire troop begin touring the vaudeville circuit as the aptly named 4 Cohans.

They’re making this poor kid play a violin on his head while tap dancing. Lindsey Sterling could never.

Also, 13 minutes in and we’ve already got our first blackface performance. Add it to the list.

After snagging his first lead role at thirteen chucking eggs and flour at adults on stage, little Georgie lets the fame immediately go to his head. He can’t help himself from mouthing off to Ed Albee, a theater owner who makes the mistake of offering The 4 Cohan’s third billing in his new show (even though it’ll double their salary) losing them the opportunity. His reformation comes shortly after he gets the shit kicked out of him by his father and a roaming gang of theater-going children because sometimes scrubs gotta get hit. The family then spends the next 10 years floundering around from city to city until George meets Mary, an “18-year-old” girl who visits him backstage to get advice on how to start in showbusiness. After fucking with her to test the waters on a potential grandfather fetish, he claims he can get her a gig with the show.

George rides his ego right into the next town, having his ingénue change her act last minute to a George M. Cohan original without informing the manager ahead of time. The manager is so incensed Mary replaced the (mysteriously now drunk) dog act with untested nonsense that he fires her, George, and George’s family.

“Drunk or sober, the dog act goes on in the next show,” might be my favorite line in all the 71 reviews I’ve written.

Black-balled and suddenly unemployed, Georgie teams up with Mary and starts shopping his material around to whatever producers will take a meeting. After several months of no dough (and with the goodwill of their landlord running thin), George pretends to sell one of his shows so his family will drop his toxic butt and tour without him to earn a bit of cash while “the show is in rehearsal”. After they leave, George continues to pedal hoping he will Secret a career into existence.

“Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American way…”

While working the circuit, George teams up with Sam H. Harris, a playwright that is having about as much luck with selling his content as Mr. Cohan is. They con an old man with his wife’s money burning a hole in his pocket to buy a show about some jockey named “Little Johnny Jones” that George wrote because he was short and he wanted to star in it.

The only reason I know this song is because of Steel Magnolias. I also had no idea those weird bottlecap costumes were a real thing; I thought it was something Mary Poppins made up.

TIL Mr. Jelly Legs here wrote “Give My Regards to Broadway” for this musical in 1904.

With the success of George’s Broadway show, he telegrams his family to join him back in New York so they can reestablish the act on a bigger stage. Gaining notoriety has also afforded him the opportunity to recruit big name stars like Fay Templeton, although she doesn’t seem very keen on the idea since Mr. Cohan is mostly known for showy displays of patriotism, which she hates for some reason. It isn’t until she hears him sing a repackaged “Give My Regards to Broadway” as a love song about living 45 minutes outside the city that piques her interest. The deal is well and truly sold after she hears “Mary”, a song he wrote for his sweetheart. When George comes home to his song’s namesake, he proposes marriage to take the edge off of some famous lady stealing her gig, and she accepts because her only role in this movie is to be as supportive of George as possible.

The proposal is genuinely adorable, though, as she tells him she loves looking after him, and he says he could cast her for that part for the rest of their lives. When she coyly asks to see some of the script they kiss, and then Cagney improvises the line, “Not bad for a first reading.”

Mary is an amalgamation of the real-life George Cohan’s two wives, and her song was originally written for one of Mr. Cohan’s daughters, of which none are mentioned in this movie. Mary’s inclusion was against the advisement of Mr. Cohan, who would have preferred neither of his wives were mentioned at all. The actress who plays her, Joan Leslie, turned 17-years-old on set. Like, I want to reiterate, she was a literal child, and they had to shut down filming early when she was involved because she legally couldn’t work at night.

Anyway, George M. Cohan goes peak Americana with his latest show “George Washington Jr.”, which features cameos from the boy scouts, veterans, African Americans singing in front of the Lincoln memorial, that fucking racist Teddy Roosevelt, and a seemingly infinite amount of American flags.

After his parents retire to run a farm and his sister gets married, he tries to go “legit” by writing a 3 act play with no songs that bombs. He doesn’t have enough time to process his failure before a torpedo sinks the Lusitania. George tries to tap dance his way into the army but they reject him for being too advanced in age at an ancient thirty-nine years old. Instead, they argue he is much more valuable writing catchy propaganda for the troops.

After the war ends, George continues to make bangers (like more than 40 of them, dude’s a workhorse). At that pace, it was common for him to have multiple shows running on Broadway at the same time. Sometime off-camera his mother and sister die, with his father following soon afterward. With his entire family gone, George processes his grief by quitting showbusiness and touring the world with Mary. He then takes an attempt at retirement on the farm until his old partner Sam calls asking him to come back for one. last. show. And take a guess who he wants George to play.

Now back at present day, we discover that FDR didn’t call up Mr. Cohan for some late-night pillow talk. He wanted to award George M. Cohan with the Congressional Medal of Congress “for his Contribution to the America Spirit”. Mr. Cohan is so touched by the gesture that he dances his way down the stairs, which is something Cagney improvised because he’s in the top 10 most charming men who have ever been born.

Here’s where I have the privilege of telling you that this is clearly not how the real George M. Cohan was awarded The Congressional Gold Medal of Honor for songwriting. While Cohan was a democrat and initially supportive of FDR, he did not approve of the president’s view on unions. Cohan was a staunch union buster (sad trombone), so he refused to pick up his award for 4 years in order to avoid meeting with the president with the hope that his term would run out. FDR eventually was like, ‘dude, come and get this thing it’s taking up space’, and Cohan begrudgingly accepted it in 1940 out of duty for his country. Apparently all was forgiven once Roosevelt hugged him, although I’m not sure it changed either of their opinions on labor laws.

It’s a shame I’m not a blind flag-waving patriot, because this film is delightful. It’s hard not to fall in love with the characters, and I genuinely laughed out loud in several parts at their dialogue. James Cagney can easily take credit for the majority of this – his improvised bits brought Mr. Cohan to life. I let out a surprised yelp when he took off his old man toupee, threw it on the ground and stomped on it – who thinks of that?? He even reprised this role several years later in The Seven Little Foys (Eddy Foy Jr. made a brief cameo in Yankee Doodle Dandy depicting his father). Like with Barbra Streisand and Fanny Brice, I’m sure going to have a hard time separating Cagney’s depiction of George M. Cohan from his real-life counterpart.

If you can stomach a film that whole heartedly celebrates this quagmire of a nation (and full transparency, I failed last year because I just had my reproductive rights snatched away from me and was exhausted from googling which doctors in my state would give a single woman with no kids a tubal ligation), it’s a pretty entertaining watch.

My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I assure you, I thank you for reading! If you’ve enjoyed this post, please consider helping me fund this project by donating to my ko-fi 🙂

The post #32 Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

#30 Funny Girl (1968)

coll2mitts — Mon, 19 Jun 2023 22:23:00 +0000

Funny Girl: How Feminism Killed My Marriage!

It was only coincidence I decided to watch Funny Girl after completing my review of A Star is Born, as it hits several of the same plot points. I honestly thought the only reason they were strikingly similar to me was because I viewed them back-to-back, but then two videos I watched about the Broadway production noted this as well, so I didn’t feel entirely unjustified. Man with lots of money discovers woman before she becomes a star. They start a obviously doomed relationship and get married right as the wife’s career starts to take off. The husband struggles with his own vices to the detriment of his wife’s career, and ultimately their relationship ends because the husband is too proud and can’t handle the fact their spouse makes more money than them. The end.

Although I don’t think the plot is necessarily the reason to watch this movie (the reason is to watch Barbra Streisand be the most Barbra Streisand she can be), it is a fictionalized retelling of the rise of real-life burlesque star Fanny Brice and her relationship with her first husband Nick Arnstein. From all accounts this leans pretty heavy on the fictionalized, as Nicky was married when he and Fanny began their affair, it took him 6 years to get divorced from his previous wife to marry Fanny, and Fanny eventually divorced him because she was sick of him fucking around on her. Even though her love life was tumultuous, Fanny’s career is what made her special, which is why it’s a bit annoying that in the majority of this movie it takes a backseat to her fascination with a useless pretty boy. Although real-life Fanny’s character was a Jewish characture, she helped in revising the criteria of what kinds of women could be famous performers. Beyond a good body and a pretty face, personality and talent were enough to gain notoriety. Although let’s be real, it’s not like Fanny was hideous or anything.

Barbra originated this role on Broadway, and it was tailor made to her talents. Check out the videos linked from Staged Right for a great summary of how the show was created, how Barbra was cast against the wishes of Fanny’s non-fictional daughter, and what a seemingly contentious run the Broadway musical had. When Columbia bought the rights to the show, it was with the understanding Barbra would reprise the role on film. And oh boy, guys, this is probably one of the best love letters to a leading actress I’ve ever seen committed to celluloid.

Picture it: New York, 1920s. Fanny Brice, with her name in lights on the Ziegfeld Follies marquis, soberly enters backstage and greets herself in a sound clip I used as a log-in alert on AIM for like 6 years. Giving off “I’m going to retire” energy, Fanny wanders the stage and loiters in the empty theater until her assistant Emma finds her and cryptically asks “This is the day, isn’t it?”. Fanny confirms, and free of context I have no idea if this woman is making a comeback, or leaving showbusiness, or running away to join the circus. When Emma mentions that Ziegfeld is waiting for her, Fanny disassociates and we’re treated to a flashback a few years earlier…

Picture it: New York, 1910s. A young Fanny Brice’s neighbors are reading her for filth on her appearance and mocking her for having dreams of singing stardom.

I think this is the only ensemble number that doesn’t take place on stage. Any solo or duet numbers with any character that aren’t Fanny, like Eddie, Mrs. Brice, and Nick, have been cut so Barbra is on screen almost 100% of the time. I was genuinely shocked later on when Omar Sharif started singing because I forgot this was something someone other than Barbra was allowed to do.

Fanny heads to her new gig as a beautiful Arabian lady and is immediately fired for not knowing the routine and hamming it up the entire fucking time. The theater owner Mr. Keeney scolds the director Eddie Ryan for even casting such a goof while Fanny refuses to be dismissed and sings and dances her way around until they’re forced to physically escort her out of the theater.

Mid-rant, and after accosting a few children, she breaks back in only to find everyone gone except Eddie, who after hearing her pipes asks why she even considered auditioning for a chorus girl when clearly she’s a belter. I giggled uncontrollably when Fanny answered, “If you were looking for a juggler, I’d have been a juggler”, cause girl, same. When I was a kid I legitimately auditioned for a part in Harlequin that required juggling skills full-well knowing I couldn’t, and when asked to prove I could after the singing portion was acceptable, the ensuing display of athletic prowess cemented the fact I would absolutely not be chosen.

I tried googling this musical and I can’t find evidence it ever existed. Maybe it was some public school choir teacher’s passion project they only got to see kids perform once a year after a 3 week summer camp? Or maybe I had a fever dream when I was 10 and hallucinated being in it? IDK, help me out here.

Eddie decides to give Fanny a second chance at the chorus after she assures him she can roller skate, even though it was a bold-faced lie. After falling on her ass 20 times, which froths the audience into a frenzy, Eddie allows Fanny to sing a solo. Her unique blend of comedy, talent, and the sudden ability to skate once she’s getting sole attention from everyone, wins over Mr. Kenney and Fanny is tentatively offered a permanent position.

“Honey hurry up, hurry up, hurry up…” is Barbra’s signature slurry phrasing at its peak.

Fanny’s shenanigans also catch the eye of a ridiculously attractive gambler Nicky Arnstein, who successfully hustles Mr. Kenney to hire Fanny for $50 a week, but is unsuccessful in asking Fanny out. She shrugs off his advances after surmising she is well out of his league, but oh my god, how the hell would anyone turn down Omar Sharif? I am not that strong willed.

According to Wikipedia, this is the fourth movie on this list that almost cast Frank Sinatra (previous ones including A Star is Born, The Music Man, and Easter Parade). For as much as y’all know I love Frankie, whoever suggested him over Omar should be well and truly slapped.

Several months later, there’s a commotion on Henry street when the Brice’s receive a telegram, and once the shock that someone hadn’t died worn off, they’re left in the wake of Ziegfeld’s request for Fanny to come by his theater and audition. She reacts in a completely reasonable way.

Unsurprisingly, she aces the audition, and after fighting with Ziegfeld over how beautiful he thinks she is verses how she thinks she’s not, she turns his new finale number from a bizarre ode to seasonal brides into a comedy act about a shotgun wedding in order to deflect anticipated criticism away from her face.

Peek a small cameo from Anne Francis, whose part was cut down so much she tried to get herself removed from the credits altogether. It’s fine, instead she’ll forever be known as the woman who pranked Dorothy Zbornak by pretending to die while beating her at tennis.

Fanny averts termination even though she deliberately ignored the directions of the director, again, because she’s too much of a hit. She rides the high of bossing around Ziegfeld right into the arms of Nicky, who just so happens to be there on her opening night. This time she takes him back to her mother’s saloon and he politely allows her friends and family to clean out his pockets at poker even though he’s a bit of a professional gambler.

After charming the entire block, Nicky convinces Fanny to follow him to a second location out into the alley so they can be alone, and like, sure, this is a colossally bad idea, but how do you say no to that smile? After establishing both of them are single, Nicky adds more red flags to the parade of them by saying he’s been with thousands of women because he likes to feel free and never has definite plans. Fanny reacts to this information by babbling incoherently about how some people kinda like being in relationships and Nicky kisses her to shut her up before riding off into the night.

I would die. Just drop dead right there, thank you and good night, it’s been a good life.

Flash forward AN ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR and Fanny randomly runs into Nick again at a train station in Baltimore while the Follies are on their national tour. He invites her to dinner in a private dining room at their hotel, and while she momentarily pretends to be aloof, once inside she does exactly what I would do immediately if left alone in a room with Omar Sharif in 1967.

Fanny asks why Nicky never called on her a year and two weeks ago and he explicitly says he could smell the virgin all over her and didn’t think she could hang. When asked what has changed his mind, he replies, “If you don’t, it’s time you learned.”

So… they bone, and continue to bone the entire week the Follies are in town. Unfortunately after 7 days Nicky’s racehorse turned into a pumpkin and he has to leave Fanny behind to board a boat to Europe to scam a bunch of bored dudes out of money since he doesn’t have any anymore. Of course Nicky confesses to Fanny he’s suddenly in love, so instead of going their separate ways after a brief sexcapade, Fanny abandons the show and makes a big romantic gesture by taking a tugboat to Nicky’s waterborne casino to surprise him. Her coworkers try to convince Fanny this is a colossally bad idea and you could anger a million bulls with all the red flags Nicky’s waving, but she simply. cannot say no. to that smile. I would make a joke that his dick must be legendary but she wouldn’t know any better if it wasn’t.

Oh look, another helicopter shot from the 1960s that’s a million times better than the one in A Hard Day’s Night.

Sidenote: Every time I hear “the sun’s a ball of butter” I first cringe because I hate that line, and secondly think of this skit.

This was Barbra’s first film role, by the way. Not that she wasn’t well-known at this point – her voice was already acknowledged as one of the greats before she even turned 30. But she steals the camera in every freaking scene, especially this one when Fanny’s clearly making the dumbest mistake ever. You root for Fanny; you want her to succeed in both life and love because Barbra is so charming. She won a Best Actress Oscar for this performance, and it’s incredibly easy to see why.

To the surprise of everyone (even Fanny), Nick is ecstatic to see her – so ecstatic he only giggles when the porter calls him “Mr. Brice” instead of going on a several-day bender that ends with him crashing Fanny’s Oscar acceptance speech. Of course Fanny plays the “please pick me, I’ll never tie you down” card, only to THIRTY SECONDS LATER suggest to Nick that usually when two people love each other, they get married. Instead of jumping off of the boat and swimming toward the shore, Nick informs Fanny if he can win his huge payday, she’ll get a husband. After much distress on Fanny’s part, Nick later returns to the room with a big wad of cash, and they immediately return home to play house for a while.

Fanny went from on the road living like a mouse to being blissfully happy with a husband, a mansion, servants and a baby. But the other shoe finally starts to drop when Nicky’s hot streak turns cold. While he’s losing the house on oil fields that produce no oil, Fanny is headlining in a show, putting Nicky’s ego in check. With a famous wife, his more-frequent losses are being broadcast around both his gambling community and society at large. When Fanny realizes Nick is drowning after he skips her show’s opening night for a poker game, she sets up a scheme where his buddy Tom would approach Nick with a legit job offer running a local casino. After Tom informs Nick he wouldn’t have to pony up start-up cash to make him a partner because his experience conning wealthy gentlemen was valuable enough, Nick smells the deception from a mile away and refuses the position because apparently it’s incredibly embarrassing for your wife to network for you.

In an effort to get back on top, Nick decides to participate in an scammy bond scheme, gets caught, and pleads guilty to the crime so it doesn’t look like he’s stupid enough to agree to something without knowing how fucking illegal it is. Fanny goes to court to see Nick before they ship him off to prison for a few years, and when he tries to end the relationship by telling Fanny he will never be able to support her, Fanny asks him to reconsider. If Nick feels the same way when he gets out, she won’t fight him on the divorce.

The absolute paranoia of a world where women could make more money than their husbands is fucking ridiculous to me. In both A Star is Born and Funny Girl, the moment the universe takes away the man’s ability to monetarily provide for his family he suddenly feels as if he has nothing to contribute. His masculinity and his ego get in the way of being truly proud of his wife. The women are both willing to entirely give up their careers to take care of their deadbeat husbands (even asserting in public they should be referred to by their husband’s last name), which is baffling on its own, but they’ve already made the irreversibly irredeemable crime of perusing success, even when their husbands initially encouraged it. All I learn from these stories is that men want strong women, strong enough where he can brag about them, but not strong enough to overshadow them. If that starts to happen, the wife needs to intuitively shrink in order to give their husband the chance to catch up.

One thing you can’t fault Nicky for is hiding his true nature. He told Fanny exactly who he was when they first met. He never had a set schedule because he wanted to feel free. She was Woman and he was Man, and she should be smaller so he can be taller. He might have cosplayed as a dependable dude for a few years, but ultimately he reverted back to his default.

Flash forward to the beginning of the movie, where we finally discover that Nick had been released from prison and Fanny would find out the state of their relationship before she went on stage. She warns Ziegfeld that if Nick wants to give it another shot she’s going to quit the show, because being a housewife will be the only thing to placate Nick’s fragile masculinity. Thankfully she doesn’t need to keep that promise, because when the pair are finally reunited she can tell by his behavior that this dude is about to drop the hammer. Fanny preemptively ends things, and then goes on stage to sing about her heartbreak.

The end of the movie differs from the musical in a pretty significant way as Fanny belts a lament for the end of her marriage. Barbra insisted singing the vocals at the end of the song live, and had Omar Sharif recite the line “You are beautiful” to her before each take to make her more emotional. It worked – I cry every time I watch the end of this movie.

“My Man” was a song the real-life Fanny Brice popularized in the Ziegfeld Follies Broadway show, which is the only reason it appears here, ending this depressing story on a weak downbeat that legitimately shocked me when the credits rolled. In the Funny Girl musical, Fanny goes through a variety of emotions that reprise the songs in the show – bitter and sad, but ultimately victorious with a powerful rendition of “Don’t Rain on My Parade.” I can only attribute this change as the beginning of the 1970s bummer parade of weird musicals that make you want to slit your wrists on the way out.

And if this wasn’t enough, several years later they filmed a sequel to this, Funny Lady, about Fanny Brice’s relationship with her second husband Billy Rose, who was just as shitty of a partner as Nick Arnstein was. Their marriage also ends in divorce, so if you want to watch the same movie as Funny Girl but with a clunkier script just to get 10 minutes of Omar Sharif reprising his role as Nicky being as sleezebaggy as ever, don’t bother. It’s not worth it.

Funny Girl is a show that will forever be associated with Barbra, to the point where its protagonist Fanny is more of a fictionalized character than a real-life previously-breathing human being. This movie is fairly entertaining, although it clearly reflects the ideals of its time. If you like Barbra, it’s a must-see. If not, avoid it at all costs, cause there’s nothing else here other than her.

Except a hunky Omar Sharif being stupidly charming. There is also that.

The post #30 Funny Girl (1968) appeared first on Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!.

Let's Talk Media! Archives - Welcome to Oaty McLoafy!

#74 Going My Way (1944)

#5 La La Land (2016)

Winter

Spring

Summer

Fall

Winter, 5 years later…

#17 The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967)

#13 The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964)

Part 1: The Departure

Part 2: The Absence

Part 3: The Return

#22 42nd Street (1933)

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#7 Pop Culture Detective – In Defense of Disney’s Solarpunk World

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#2 HBomberguy – Plagiarism and You(Tube)

#1 Ryan Beard – Colleen Ballinger’s Ukulele “Apology” From Hell

Honorable Mentions:

Favorite Traditional Media in 2023:

#12 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

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#30 Funny Girl (1968)